gifts.

Isn't it so strange to think of all the people you know. Or the people you used to know, the people you used to know well.

LEt's go back to 3rd grade. 2002-03
TIffany Hughes and I were the bestest friends ever up until about the 5th or 6th grade. WE played dress up and had tea parties together daily. I loved playing with her better than anyone else. But after 5th grade she was going to South middle school, and i was going to North, so our friendship basically ended at that point.

Then about 6th grade, 2003-04 i was best friends with Allie Phillips. She was so funny i used to think. She was the girl who took me to Falls Creek for the first time the summer before 8th grade. Allie Stuck around for most of middle school but i was more interested in my new cheerleader friends.

7th and 8th grade 2004-05
I was a cheerleader, so I then became better friends with Kayla Markham, and then became friends with her friend Patty Baker. I was closer with Kayla, which was obvious to us, but as middle school girls, Patty didn't LOVE that Kayla and I were better friends than Kayla and Patty. This caused issues.. obviously. But i still loved to "hang out" (It's not "play" at this point, we were WAY to old for that,) with Kayla better than anyone else. She used to take me with her strange family to the lake. I rode my first tube with her on Lake Texoma. What a thrill. And she taught me how to dirty dance, which still cracks me up to this day. So Kayla was for sure awesome. Again, my best friend was going to be transferring to another school in another town the next year for high school, so then, back to Allie i went.
Several years ago, about 8th grade i was closest friends with Allie Phillips, Grant Moran, Christian Maloney ( who after maybe 3 or 4 days of knowing became my first kiss.. HA) Evan Kenedy, Shane Johnson, Megan and Caty Vaughn, and Malcom Myers. These were the first group of people I connected with to some extent on a spiritual level. They were my youth group firends form Canadia Valley Baptist Church. I LOVED them. They were fantastic. Especially Allie, Evan, and Grant. ( my deepest regards and memories go to Grant Moran who passed away October 31, 2008.) I was very close to these 3 inparticluar people for a while. The summer before my freshman year, i met Alexa Bailey. Allie, Alexa, and Alex. The 3 of us were good friends for a while, but once again it was obvious that Alexa and I were better friends than Allie and I.. which again caused WAY more drama than any of us wanted. The summer before my sophomore year of High school I left Canadian Valley BC and sadly, ended my friendship with Alexis Faline Sue Phillips (Allie) for the last time. Our friendship that had lasted since 5th grade in MAC choir had to end. I was filled with sadness at losing her friendship, but i had been hurt too often and too deeply by her friendship. A few weeks later I started going with Alexa to FBC Piedmont.

1st half of 10th grade. 2005-06
Became Great friends with Alexa, Matt Richardson, Jake Anson, Justin, Jared, and Jimmie Pucket, Jill and Julie Burden, Tara Case, Reza Koranki, Dan Minton, and several other people from the church. I loved it.

2nd half of 10th grade.
Broke up with my boyfriend Matt. Started what would become one of my best friendships with Tyler Dunn, Josh Debord, Tessa, Nicole, Justin Hixon, Justin Willis, and seth. I went with Seth to prom and it was great. For the first time in a long time it seems i finally had friends from Mustang. It was wonderful. The best year of High School maybe.

Summer before 11th grade.2006-07
Went to Panama with Awestar. Became friends with Skylar, Tyler, Katie, Brent, and Aubrie.
THese people were with me as i began to REAlly grow into a deeper relationship with JEsus.

11th grade
Started going to Trinity Baptist Church, down the street from where i lived.
SO great.
The First time i had ever had friends who were in the same grade as me. So, still friends with Alexa, and Tyler Kauk, Philip, Zach Selby, Heidi, Lauren, Kyle, Justin, Alex, Zach Felts, Lantz, Rikki, Tim, and others i can't remember. IT was so wonderful being a part of a group of friends again, but to really fit in well and to have a lot of people like me. Not just one or two. This group of people taught me that i LOVE music and reminded me of my creative side that, soccer for the last 10 years had blocked out. Eventually, I started dating Zach Selby and Alexa and i drifted from there. She had a BF and so did I.. After Zach and I started dating all friendships were basically lost. Especially with my closest two, Alexa and Tyler Kauk. I of course didn't realize at the time, but everyone goes through those kind of relationships it seems..

Summer before Senior year.
WE all go to Trinity's summer camp, Camp Life ( where i was to meet some of my future best friends.) IT was fun, but interesting seeing as the BF and i had sort of broken up, yet were still trying to make it work. Then 4 of us go to Peru, where the true colors of my "closest" friends show up during the 5 weeks we are in country. The trip was pretty traumatic for me. After a few weeks into senior year, Zach and i break up officially.

Senior year.2007-08
Some how, the Lord has erased much of this year form my memory. I can't remeber anything really except my Art class the first semester. You see, I was depressed. I had lost my boyfriend, and all my friends. There was no one left. Just me. And my canvas.
I painted my first canvas ever at this point and it's something very very special to me to this day.
I had become friends with Adam though. He was the lead singer in ZAch's band, so there was still some connection to that group of people that i was trying to get over.
Sometime around March, i started becoming friends with an old friend Josh Debord, someone from sophomore year. He helped me to get better and was my best and friend at the time. I really trusted him, but then it turned out he had romantic feelings for me and then, about June we stopped being friends.

Summer 2008
Old friends from Canadian Valley BC called me up to come with them to Falls Creek to hang out basically. I went, and the one person i met there helped to change my life. Blake. Who then introduced me to who are now my current friends and family. Kate, Evan, Alex, John, Brett, Johnna, Katie, Laura, Bri, Emily, Carter, Charlsey, Will, Logan, Wes, Wes, SEth, Madison, Amanda, Chris, Jason, Will, Daniel, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Nathan, Jill, Stephen, Robert, Marissa, Ryane, RAchel, Dalton, JAy, Jamie, Beth, Ken, Aaron, Laurel, Liz, John, John, Toni, Whitney, Emily, Matt, Asa, Phyneus, Samara, Eilo, Taylor, Marybeth, Ashley, and so so so so many more.

December15, 2009

It's so beautiful to me.
All the names. The names of all the people who love me. Who have cared about me. Who care about me now. Who my best friend Kate is without question. The first best friend I've ever had a spiritual connection with. She really is the best there is.


Looking back to almost ten years of friends.. It's interesting to see who is still around. How i still know all of those people, yet today, i choose to be with my friends in Norman. To be a part of Norman. Despite my driving 2 hours a days for the last 7 months to and from the City, and my mom thinking it foolish. In 14 days will mark my one year of living in this special city. Back in August marked my one year of friendship with Kate and the other norm.commers. but in two more weeks marks a year of living here!

What a gift.
Friends.
The best gift the Lord has given me other than salvation.
Merry Christmas aL.
Look who you get to spend the winter with.

....ma and pa.

I'm not sure how to write about something such as this, or if it's something to be mentioned on a blog at all.
My parents have been divorced for about a month now.
I think?
The weird thing is how " nonchalant" the whole thing is. Haven't had the sit down conversation with my father. It's as if he is embarrassed to talk about it, yet he's still doing it.

Mom on the other hand seems to be doing alright, but after 30 years of marriage, ending in the last 10 miserably, how can anyone be ok?




SHOCKING.
CUTTING.
PIERCING.
HURTING.
CRYING.
LOSING.



It could be that way.

BUT,

the Lord has promised me SO much goodness. The Lord has captivated my soul and spirit. HE has possessed me and my future family.


i WILL have a good future family.
i WILL be a good mother.
i WILL enjoy my children.
I WILL love my family WELL.


The enemy tries to tell me that i don't know what it means to have a good family. To know what a good mother and father really looks like.
He is wrong.

I have my family.
My spiritual family.
The Ones who really love me.
The Ones who really know me.
The Ones who are taking such good care of me.

With out my family I would believe the lies from the enemy, but seeing as the LORD had shown me a good family, how can I not have that for my future. He has promised me good things in family.


A Real family.
Full of love and joy.

Almost to November

IT's been since the end of July since I've posted. That's because when i write, it's usually because i feel like something major has happened. And in the words of Charlotte Charles, " It takes a lot for people to put pen to paper." And in this case, it's fingers to keys.

July-ish
I had the SF/09 with a certain boy from Norm comm.
Curious? ME too.

August
moved into a new place with 3 new roomies. It's been fantastic and continues to get better and better all the time.

September
Started dating/noncommittal relationship with an old-ish friend.

October
ended the "noncommittal-like" relationship.




Parents are getting a divorce?
Woa.
I'll begin to believe it more when it really starts happening...
but it's worth mentioning.

peace.pieces?

This week marks

One Year.

Approximately one year ago this week I met a group of people that have changed my life forever. I met a wonderful boy who brought me to this wonderful town I currently reside in. Just two weeks ago I got to thank him for introducing me to something called community, and a little town called Norman, Oklahoma.

This week marks a year of:
Friendship
Prophecy
Healing
Growth
Discernment
Family
Peace
Protection
Intercession
Beauty
Community
Dreams

It's been a year since hearing and learning about this and that, but it's been a wonderful wonderful process.

July-September '08:
Went to Falls Creek and met the person who took me to norman. Spent time with him and met his friends.

September-November '08:
Grew in deep friendship and became an active member of Norman Community Church.
Became healed of a parasitic something-or-another from Peru... which was a prophetic word give to me in Februaury '07.
Decided to NOT go to Uganda, Africa for 2 months in the upcoming summer.

December '08:
Had an itense dream that led me to peace, understanding, and love for my family.
Moved to Norman and left Bethany/SNU.

January- April'09:
Cintinued to grow in friendship with people from campus cluster.

MAY 8, 2009:
Turned 20 and had the best b-day i could ask for.

June '09:
Moved away from my sister and niece and in with Kate, Bri, Carter, and Emily.
God decided I would be friends with some awesome people and gave me a HUGE burden for them. He also gave me their emotions.. ( Refer to my last 2 posts.)

July '09:
Started going to a new house church, International Cluster.
Continued to grow in learning how to manage the hopelessness of others, and how to bring hope to the hopeless. Determined this was the reason I had stayed home this summer and didn't go to Uganda for the summer.

July 29, 2009:
Will continue to celebrate the community I have become apart of this week one year ago.

So thanks to all of you wonderful people I now care for deeply and love very much.

Thank you.

aL

and because of my last post, i now feel this way:

So here is what else has been going on inside.

Some time since April, the Lord has released some cool stuff to me. I started spending some time with this guy whose heart and mind, and pretty much everything is differnet than anyone else i know. Then he brings his friend along. Then there is another girl who i feel like is coming into the picture. Anyway... their hearts are far from the Lord. I can feel the way they are feeling. I am capable of knowing how much sorrow they feel, and why they are feeling it. I can feel the pain they are feeling, the desperation. I can feel these thigns not because i spend hours and hours of time with them in coversation, but because the Lord is filling me and allowing me feel these thigns. The negative feelings that the enemy has put on them for so long. I am begining to feel the way a lost person feels, but not on behalf of myself, but on behalf of them.

Some time last month, I had this dream.. This is what happened from what i can recall:

I'm wading through this flood of water that is up to me neck. I'm inside this massive building that has been destroyed, and is falling to pieces everywhere. I'm trying really hard to wade though this water but there are people under the water holding on to my ankles. They can breath, but there were holding on to my legs so I would have to pull them through. I am so frustrated by this. I'm kicking at them to let go and trying to shake them off of me but they are still holding on. I finally get to the door of the building and i can get out. We are totally out of the water. So then they all just stand up and walk away. they don't say anything like, "Hey, thanks for pulling me through, or good job, thanks" Nothing, they jsut get up and walk away like nohting had ever happened. I'm PISSED at this. I am like are you serious, i just pulled you through this water and i get nothing.. Thanks.. Really.

and that was the end.

So last night i kind of got more of an interpretation of this.

My friends who are in a different stage of life than me have been on my heart and mind constantly. I love them and desire to see the Lord work in their life. To see them rescued from drugs and alcohol, sex and everythign that comes with it. I pray and feel broken for them often, i feel like i am being dragged by my ankles wih nothing in return. I have had no energy to do anything other than what my scheduled life brings. I was feeling broken and held back for whatever reason. Then, last night Kate and i recalled this dream of me feeling like i was pulling someone else's weight.

Now i can find joy from pulling their weight. I don't expect anything in return from them, but pray for them to feel joy and love, peace, patience, hope.. everything that is the opposite of what they are feeling. When i feel sorrow out of no where, i know i am to pray for the one who feels sorrow, and pain, whatever it is. It's a realy weird thing being able to feel someone else's emotion, but it's pretty cool too. The Lord is teaching me in my alone time with him more and more.The Lord is trusting me with his children, giving me secrets into their hearts. The Lord is releasing a spirit of prophecy over me, i cannot be more grateful.

Thanks yo.

Here it is, finally.

Alright, Alright. It's taken me forver to get some time to actually put into words the shifting that has begun to occur.

To start off, i haven't had any coke or Dr.Pepper today, which i usually start my day out with one of those, so shift #1, that i hope will shift back to normal by tomorrow...

Really now.

Since April, I have felt the Lord calling me to be alone with him. 

Alex, just sit with me. Stop spending all of your time with your friends, who I know you love, but just hang out with me. Let ME tell you you are great, let ME tell you you are cool. I know you LOVE spending time with your friends, and that you love them all so very much.. But please... come be alone with me.

So May comes around I am looking forward to going to Saturday Night in Edmond, ( Bible Study thing with awesome worship, every last saturday of the month) pretty much all month. So it finally becomes SAturday and I go. Nothing crazy or amazing seems to happen, but i continue to feel the Lord drawing me into intmacy with him. I want to be alone with you alex, He keeps whispering to me.

I had been hearing that for a while but i just have a hard time sacrifcing my social time. The thing is, i am a very busy girl. I work 30 hours a week, and go to hair school for 20 hours a week. I have 2 evenings off a week from school. Monday and Friday. Then i have cluster sunday, and hair school until 5 on saturdays. There isn't one day of the week that i don't have something planned that is a part of my weekly schedule... As you can see... the two evenings a week that i feel like are the free-est ones i have is the time that i want to hang out ith my friends, watch movies, go swimming, whatever.. 

But i have felt like the Lord has drawn me into a time of just being alone. It is hard, because this is the first time in my life where i have actualy had a group of friends who i feel really care about me, who desire to be close to me, and my feelings actually be the same.

Sacraficing the 2 days a week that I have for fun time isn't exactly what i WANT to do... but he wants me to. I have found in the last few times I would go and hang out with the big groups of people, i would enjoy it of course, but would just feel so drained in the middle of conversations.. I would just want to be home and be alone, away from loads of people. Partys are just too much for me to handle at this point. I used to THRIVE off of lots of people around, but now i just want to be alone, or with one or two people instead of 10 people or something. And it's not that i had lost interest in the people i choose to spend time with, it's just i don't want to spend time with a lot of people all at the same time....  ( sorry for the rambling.)

So the first weekend in June approached and i went to celebration. I had been feeling before every time I was around people i didn't want to be there half way through, but I also couldn't stop myself from wanting to go at all... SO i would go, kind of not want to be there, then leave... I still wanted to go even though i knew i wouldn't really want to be there.  anyway.......

Celebration:

I go up and a couple friends pry for me. I finally feel the Lord releasing himself on me in spending alone time with him. I finally, after 2 months of feeling weird, i actually WANT to spend alone time with the Lord. Like an intense desire that is still growing. I am learning how to be alone with the Lord. Teach me how to be alone with you. alone. ALONE!

To Be Alone With You.

Starting in June, i moved into a new house with my best friend and 3 other roommates I have really enjoyed it. I love living here and it makes getting around norman much easier. It also has a since of freedom here. I feel like where i am living, i don't have to go out and try to find something to do, it just comes here. People come over and i can choose to be a part of the converstaion or i can go to my room and spend time with the Lord. I finally am able to paint and use my birthday presents (NEW ART SUPPLIES!!!!) and spend alone time with Jesus.

I used oil paint for the first time last week and it was great. I find spending time creating, painting,and working with several different mediums inspiring. The Lord is grwoing me more and more in love with colors. I love colors. They are such a gift.

Generally The Lord has brought me into a time of just He and I. I love it, it is great, and i only miss people on occasion..

Three weeks & 4 days ago,

I wrote about my upcoming future, which is currently my present.

The Lord has been drawing me into alone time with him. All the time. As in just me and Him. No one else. Alone. I'm quite the extrovert, so this is quite a challenge.

More to come later.