Such boys

Such boys.

They are young, and young, and young, and young.

Because I think you're cool, and I like hanging out with you.

Cool.

If you knew me, how silly.
I sometimes tend to pretend to lend myself a hand as a joke, and say that cool is the best compliment you can give me.

Way to tell me.
Cool.

If only you knew the weight of your actions, because sometimes I tend to pretend to lend myself a hand, as you become a joke.

Speckled Little Egg

It's weird when you take yourself out of a situation, and then a huge part of you is dying to get back inside of where you came from.

Only for a few moments though, to have a casual conversation with that person you just never could figure out how to work your mind and lips with sounds and interest. He or she walks away and then your mind becomes functional with obvious sounds of interest, and your eyes can't seem to look anywhere else but to their pair of hands, you wished you were holding.
I used to wonder about those certain people, and then I looked away and came to real life. Where people aren't so weird, and life is much different.


Since moving to Oklahoma City, and out of Norman, and moving out of Community and into Solitude for the last month, I've had more alone time this month than in the last 22 years of my life, maybe.

A part of me feels nostalgic for the future, and for the past. I've got my ticket and I'm going to go home, that's the song I'll hum, eventually, and sing today.

I'm feeling the emotion I think i will have even more of when I move out of Oklahoma. To places with Three letters for winter, or Two letters for the beach.

I'll want to go home, and I want to go home tonight.

I feel that now.
I live in Oklahoma City, which I've told a hundred people that's where I'm from.
But where I grew up doesn't really mean that I am from there, because honestly, I didn't really grow up in one place. It was more like four. Mustang, Piedmont, Yukon, and the City.

The best parts of me are from Norman though.. A place that brewed me, steeped me, grew me, and speckled me.
It's been a speckled year, with likes and loves, with strange and uneasy, with desire and anger.

But,
with satisfaction and wonder, and curiosity for more.

Evening

When did it happen? I can never function when the sun goes down. So now that it's mid winter, all I can really do when it gets dark is watch movies, tv, or maybe crochet if I'm feeling really lucky. I just can't seem to function at night. What's the deal? What's my deaaaalllllll???? I dunno.

I've got to start working on a portfolio.
Portraits, landscapes, figure drawings.. Not really my cup of tea, but it's all about to start happening. Day's will start to get longer soon. Thank GOD because I can't do anything in this cave house.

I've got the shakes today.

Why do i feel so shaky?
I just ate.
I ate, I ate.
I feel so so shaky now.
Coffee, cereal, a bowl of soup.
I still feel so shaky.

I feel so angry. I feel so CRAZY.
Why?
WTF?
For real.

Work. Work and Work and work all day.
Sit and Sit and Sit and dread.
WASTE WASTE WASTE
so much time.

Why can't you help me out?
Come on, please.
Let me not have a job for once.
Just for this one time,
make it easy on me, please?

No way, JOSE.
No way Alexandre.
You can only eat and feel like shit.

Work makes me money, makes me hungry, and makes me shaky.

January.

I never would have know it was going to be so hard. Detoxing and all. I've decided to work on myself. In a way I've never done before. It's all new and junk. It's going to be good in the long run, I think. Sometimes I wonder if it's actually worth it. I think it is. Either way, I'm detoxing.

Yesterday at Huddle we talked about something GREAT. I really hope that it all works out the way I want it to. Evangelism is such a scary word to hear, for most people. However, it doesn't scare me at all. My heart breaks for those who are lost. The people in norman, in Oklahoma, in the States, in this country, in other countries. People need Jesus. Keep breaking our hearts so we can go to them. Deal?

From Seeds to Trees.

How is it that now I'm realizing everything?

Everything to be realized, I've done it. I know I have.

That's not really true...

But I have realized that it's been almost three and a half years since I was in August 24, 2007.

I can't get this place out my my brains.

Even though I've been everywhere.

Z-Town

M-Town.

B-Town.

S-Town.

E-Town.

S-Town.

M-Town.

and

S-Town.

It's time to go to

A- town now.

A town is going to be like this:

Filled with music. To be filled with Music. To be filled with Jesus. With the Lord.

To work. ARt work. CREATE. Become more like the King. The CREATOR. To be like the creator, and create as often as possible. To be inspired. To watch documentaries. To Read. To listen. To be in class for the first time in over two years. To dream more dreams in Sufjan. In beautiful color. To lay in the grass. To swing into the sky with Jesus. To be alone. To be with just me. To love the things that have been created here. To grow up. To be more capable. to have opportunity. To travel. To love friends more. Want, Want I want.

So it seems..

This is a semester of growth and knowledge.

The seeds are planted. Now they need harvested and nurtured. Loved and watered.

May they not be neglected or forgotten.

May their roots grow deep and grow up tall into a marvelous Tree.

...

Well, I guess I made some kind of break through today.

I only know it was in the form of words.

Simple words with held for three and a half months.

It was ok.

Anyway, I'm feeling sleepy tonight. Waiting to to watch some more Grey's Anatomy.. I know.. It's the only tv show I've been able to start from the beginning, so I'm into it until the end i guess.

I had the day off today. It was kind of nice. A little funny though. I was bored, I'm NEVER bored. I never have enough time to be bored. So it never happens. On my day of boredom i went to the Mall, which is another thing i never do. I even drove 30 minutes to Penn Square Mall. I looked mostly, but did a little buying as well. For my brothers and a roommate, i got some nice gifts I suppose. I've never been to the mall alone like I was today. There are some creepy dudes that work at Journeys, ladies. Watch yourselves. But enjoy yourselves as well.

I'm writing tonight because I've nothing better to do, I guess. I miss my best friend. She's all married now. Busy with work, school, and a husband to tend to. I had hoped she would spend some time with me today. She was busy. It's alright. I went anyway, and enjoyed myself very much actually. Hope you're well Bestie. I luff ya.

aL