Desire.

I try to satisfy myself by reading and searching all i can. It never works, i always want more and more. This desire i have,  is found only when my desire for what is of this world, is turned into a desire for the Lord. I will never be satified by what the world offers me. Only what the Lord offers me.

Celebration.

Wow. This past Sunday night we had Celebration. It was a nothing kind of day, i wasnt expecting anything huge or gigantic to happen there other than see a few friends i don't normally get to see. D-group was rather nice. I spent some time in Winan's before hand reading through the frist 7 chapters of Luke. Thats a lot for one sitting. So we are then off to celebration.

Celebration is a time where all of the Clusters of Norman Community Church meet together to have a nice, big worship service where we celebrate what hte Lord is doing and have a time of teaching. This month, Ken spoke about receiving the Holt Spirit. That was interesting because iknow that many people were wanting a teaching from the Lord and it was delivered. At the end of his sermon, Ken asked, "well if anyone wants to receive more of the Holy Spirit in their lives, you can coem down for prayer and receive." Imediately almost the entire church was down at the front worshipping and praying for eachother. There was a woman whose body became weak nd crippled by the Lord. She could not stop crying for the Joy of the Lord. I heard words spoken over people and began to pray and asked the Lord if i should maybe pray for some other people. Eventually i begin praying for my friend Emily. I then led her to Kate, her sister. A bit later i decide to go and also pray over Kate and Emily. It was really neat because just as i was walking over there, there was a man speaking to KAte. Telling her many true things about her. THings about her ministry and heart for small groups, her heart for pastoring and intercession. IT was incredible. After that i had the opportunity to pray over her and her sister and i just really felt good about it. The things from the Lord that came through me abut hteir sisterhood and the thigns that i felt for Kate were jsut really encouraging. THe Lord really came and spoke wonderfully to us. IT was beautiful.

A little after we were done feasting with the Lord. Kate and i got to meet Zack. The random guy who showed up from His Tribe (branch off bridgeway in edmond) and spoke the beautiful prohetic words taht Kate was longing to hear. SO we meet and then just like a little bit later He starts speaking to me. He says, " Hey, this might be a little bit weird, but whatever, i'll tell you anway... WEll i feel like you are gifted in the prophetic and that the Lord wants to speak to you through your dreams, and visions and things. And i feel like you are gifted in encouraging othes and lifting people up. All of these thigns after hearing you pray. As i look at you now, your eyes even are lighter. You look as if you are glowing a little bit."  I can;t remeber exactly what he said, but it was incredible. I can;t believe it. It was so great gettign to her those words from him. It is kind of a blur now all that he said to me, but it was amazing. i have beem prayng that the Lord would be speaking to ME, i was praying about AFrica that i wuld know whether or not ot go and instead He has opened me up to listening for myself yes, but now for others. It is kinf of strange, but its awesome. And looking t my last post, (Brett the Prophet) you can see that thisis just more affermation of the Lord speaking through others to me about hearing from Him. I want to hear more fomr the Lord and i want to spend more time sekaing His face and begining to know what the things are that he wants me to be interested in. My prophetic numbers or pennies is seeing the shape of the continent of Africa. Thanks to Brett again, and of COURSE Jesus... ha. But hte Lord is doing so much in my life it is incredible. Thanks Jesus. YOu are pretty cool. Thank you for your words and the things that you have shown me now and al that you plan on showing me later. 

aL

brett the prophet.

What a great day.

I made Kate's journal today. The majority of it. 

I worked on my project that isn't due til wed. really... which is nice.

I am tired now.

I loved not going to Hair School or any of my classes today.

I had a time of rest and creatin with the Lord.

It was really fun.

I miss my friends in Norman.

I can't wait to move there with my sister.

Those are my basic thoughts for today. Last night was a really great time though. I got to spend a littel time with my friend Brett. He is such nice guy, i met him jsut this semester about August or so. Met him in Tulsa, Ok, then eneded up being friends with him in NOrman, OK. Imagine that. (:

WEll, we got to talk just for a few min. last night about how he feels that i am a prophetic person. Dude, that blows my mind. I love that fact that he said that because he is a very prophetic person from what i hear around town, and from what he has spoken over me. So being told i am prophetic from a prophet is really encouraging and cool. I am hoping to hear from the Lord and get more of Him for other people. I know Jesus speaks to me personally, but i don't know for other people. I mean i talk to people often about their problems, but hmm. I know there can be more, and i want to be able to offer that to people when i can. I ask for more of the Lord, that He might speak to me truth in my life, but also truth in other people's lives. THat the Lord through me might bring them peace that they cannot find.

aL

alex is shell fishes.

So, i am sitting in PLaid, sitting. That is about it right now. I don't want to do my lame BIB. LIT homework because it is lame. OBVIOUSLY. not really, it's not that bad, but i wish i could get into it. THese next few weeks of schoola re going ot be killer i can already tell. I went through this after fall break... not wanting to do anythign but i have a bang load of crap to do all the time. I jsut ignore it. All i really want is some alone time. Just some time to play and draw a bit.

ON the other hand, The Lord is great. He has been blessing me with immense security. HE is telling me, " Alex. I know your desires. You don't have to keep telling me about them. I know what's up with your heart and you you are feeling. Stop talking to me about it ok. Shut UP!"

 Ok, ok God. I am goign to try and do my best at shutting up. YOu see, i am such a talker. Ask anyone, i can talk my life away, to anyone at that. I prefer a good listening ear, but also a responsive tongue.

School is amost out for the semester and it is so teasing me. It's hilarious. About the middle of hte semester i decided that i would be moving to NOrman, OKlahoma for the first time ever. IT is so weird, because now is the time where i am feeling like i am finally moving out. I already moved out of my parents house, yet i still run into my mom randomly across campus. I can jsut drive 15 min. back to yukon and kick it with ma and pa whenever i want. It's funny because i was expecting so much "newness" when i moved out, yet many things stayed the same as all the things i didn't imagine, changed.

 NOw i am looking for a ridiculous season of change in my moving. My sister and i looked at a house today. IT was a rush. Holy crap. My first house ever... My first time of paying rent... buying my own groceries.. what the heck. This will be the time of "newness" i thought i was going to be getting in August. Not that it's December,  i suppose "newness" is making its way to me. It freaks me out. I am trying to like it. I know i will love it when i get used to it.. but it's like starting all over... again.. it's lame.. but i guess it is what the Lord has for me.

SNU, i will miss you, but Norman, i will love you, unlike Bethany, OKlahoma.

so.. goodness about "newness"

hum. KAte Thompson. NOrman Community Church. Boyd and Brooks. I will love rolling that off my tongue. the simple corner of the back porch will help me to be filled with the sweetness of the Lord. Living with my sister. Being close to friends. hoping for more with the new friends the Lord has given me. Trusting the Lord is Good. Trusting that the Lord knows my desires. even when they are so many blocks away. THe Lord knows. He knows. sitting with friends who love me when i need them.

The Lord has delivered me out of my desert of the last 19 years of my life. It is a time of fruit. I can forget my past shitty friendships and look for the new blossoms that are bloming around me. THey are coming in pink and orange, red and beautiful. They are a gift from the Lord and it's quite nice.

I apologize for the clutter of this letter. It is all ovr the place, but that is how i am at times. All overthe place. Messy. And that's how i like it. I don't need order right now. Just chaos for the Lord. He is what i thirst for and hunger for. More you You Jesus, it's what i want and need. I can't pretend to imagine taht i know what you are goign ot be doing in the next few months, all i can pray for is jsut more of you and less of me. i love you. AMen.

aL

flaker.

      were    so afraid  tell me about yourself?

REALLY?

          not worthy?

Can     not trust me to       myself from you?

why is it     bad?

 

                           understand.

             miss         .

He is a listener.

Well it goes like this for today, and many days recently. Every time i see this certain person in my life, my heart and soul begins to ache. She is still my lover, i still love her, but it's so freaking hard at all times. SEriously, about 85% of the time i have to work at it. It's terrible. I feel my insides well up and i just want to scream and yell. I want to be honest and tell jan ann how i feel. I want to tell her how much i love her, then i want to scream at her and tell her how much she hurts me. I tried a little bit to avoid her today, but it didn't work. THe Lord had other plans for me apparently. When i was walking out the door with her i just though, Alex, just don't say anything. Just resist the temptation. Don't listen to the lies, don't let her tell you things that aren't true. They are lies from the enemy and they aren't true. It's not her talking, it's the enemy. He hates you, he wants to destroy you, don't give in. Even when it hurts the most.

I'm learning what it means to suffer for Christ. Jan Ann seems to tell me hurtful things, but i know they aren't from her, Satan is just using her. That terrifies me.  I hate him. i wish he would leave her alone and let her come to You Jesus. i miss her, i love her. Why has she been so hurtful lately? I feel like i don't deserve ALL the pain she brings upon me. I understand, ok, sometimes i mess up and i deserve to be treated the way i am, but most of the time it's nothing. NOTHING! She just flips out.

Today as we were driving from one place to another as we do on many sunday evenings, the same conversations break about. Alex, you are so selfish, you are the rudest person. All you do is criticize me all the time. I don't do anything for you. When i do something for you, you don't appreciate it, you just expect it. Of all these things, all i expect from her is the last, i just want her love, I want her to care about me the way i want her to.. I know it will never happen and it breaks my heart, i miss her and i love her. Why is she so far away? Why can't she see how she is treating me. I don't understand.

Actually, it's perfectly clear. She is receiving stupid lies from the Enemy. FREAKING LIES.

SO anyway, we are driving back to my home and she starts picking and picking, i don't know what to do. I don't want to retaliate. I hold in for a bit. The first 10 min. probably, then every word she utters is death in my ears I can;t take it any longer. No, i am not these things. I begin to break down and tears come from my eyes, little streams in a deep valley. I begin to pray. "Lord, take this away. i cannot handle these things. I cannot listen. THese are lies. I will not take this. Take it Jesus, take it away. "

My tears dry up, it's done. She stops talking.  I stopped listening. That was that. I cannot process these things. Then a second later, she puts her arm around my neck and pats. She puts her hand on my head through my hair and says, " I'm sorry i yelled at you, I'm sorry." Astonished i say, " Thank you, thank you. " 

Immediate prayer is the key. The enemy hates it when i pray. HE does such a great job at making me feel like shit and then Lord comes and takes all of it away. Apology from the least likely person in the world is sweetness form the Lord. This is just proof of My Jesus. My King. He is worthy of Praise. he is worthy of my cries for help. HE is quick to answer when i call. His love for me is bigger than i know. 

Change of pace.

I want my desire for a certain friend be turned into a desire for my Jesus. It is coming and it is certainly unexplainable. TOday i was asked about it and i was astonished about how I felt. Jesus is teaching me.. So much every day. It is the promise of life steeping in. Melting and blending, mixing and molding.

Winter Time.

MY very favorite time of the year is approaching. The Lord blesses me with cold weather and i love it very much. 

This fall has been quite an exception to all my other past falls in my 19 years. Where i have lived and grown up, i never had the pleasure of watching the leaves change colors and fall to the ground. At my home we had no rees, jsut little baby ones. It was sad.  THe Lord has given me a little gift of seeing the trees change and kicking around in the leaves this fall. I love the trees here on campus at snu and i was saddened today when i saw the grounds keepers with the leaf blowers blowing away all the beautiful golden leaves. But back to winter.

Winter. THe most beautiful time of year for me. I love winter first because it's cold, obviously. I love being able to bundle up and wear warm clothes with layers upon layers at all times. I love my coats and hats and gloves, and also scarves. The Lord blesses me with the cold air that blows across my face and whips me around and around. 

I have always longed to have friends to sit around the fire with and drink hot tea and coffee together. A really crazy friend once said, " Winter is only good when you have some one to spend it with. " I can't agree more, but i also have found joy in all my past winters that were slightly alone. THis winter i am looking forward to spending time with my best friends in Norman, OKlahoma. A blessed place that is filling my heart. Time spent together is more time of me growing closer to my friends, who help me to grow closer with my Lord Jesus. I can't wait for this coming winter to see what the Lord is going to do with me through relationships/ friendships. I love you Lord and i thank yo for my friends so much. The winter is always better when you have someone to share it with, and this winter i do.

     -thanks to my JEsus. Goodnight love.

aL