shalom.

That is what i would like.

Today has been a wonderful day. Woke up 10 Min. exactly before my 9:00 a.m. class this morning. Skipped chapel so i could get ready for the day, went to my 11:00 and chilled with my awesome professor for a bit, had a friend drive me to hair school. YEA! no walking to day in my black dress and heels.  After hair school i went and had an interview that went really well. I hope i can get the job, but it will of course take up a lot of time that i obviously do not have. ugh! Then i went to Panera with my momma and she bought me dinner and a few bagels for the week. how sweet. That was my day and it isn't over yet. Homework to do. Prayer at 9 is what is taking up my thoughts right now.

Early this week, the Lord showed me a vision. I very clear one at that. It's so cool that the Lord is allowing me to see things from him. It is all new to me and i love it very much.

I was praying and talking with the Lord about finding peace. Tonight i have the opportunity to spend time with a group of believers praying through scripture and spending time worshipping.

I can't say that i am super excited about this, but i could be. You see, the vision i had was held between me and another strong person in the faith who is very close to me. It was as though i was holding on to their hand with my arm stretched out away from me towards them and with my other arm i was reaching for the Lord. I was stretched up into the heavens with the clouds. It was very cool, and i feel like it was from the Lord. But what i do not know is this: Should i let go of the person i am holding on to? Do i keep  a hold of it or not? I am not totally sure, I am def. willing to let them go, but i'm still reaching out for God while holding onto their hand. What does it mean? ha. I don't know and really i am ok with that. It is still so cool to know that the Lord is speaking to me through visions. It's AWESOME!

So, good things.

Other things. 

Tonight.

Prayer.

I want to be there. i want to engage with the Lord without destraction. I want to find the Lord tonight and receive from him just as anyone else might. It would be great. But what is hard? I cannot bring it to words. 

For anyone who ever reads this, which is probably no one, i do hope your day goes well and know that Jesus the Risen One is the Light to anything in your life. He is the answer. Have a great day.

aL

smoke and music

What a strange day. 

Last night was by far the best night i have had in a long time. The Spirit of the sovereign Lord was upon me and it was quite clear. My first Saturday Night in history turned out to be a good one. THe Lord sent down his words like angels over me. The beautiful dialects spoken over me were incredible. I have been freed from darkness, just as it says in Isaiah 61:1-3. My past has been swept away from me and it no longer matters. THe Lord has forgotten my past and THe Lord is my Father who really cares about me. He loves me and i do not need the ones who i thought were to provide for me as i once did. It is not easy trusting the Lord in this, but i have to. I want to, and i need to. There was such goodness that came about. Satan has been rebuked over my life, as well as the 10 or so girls that were prayed over last night. The Enemy has no reign over us. Not anymore, or ever again.

The strangeness begins.

 After the Lord spoke such truth over me and over so many others, the Enemy loves to come in and steal the treats that Lord gives. He is jealous and wants the goodness from the Lord to turn to bitterness. In which my drunkenness from last night poured over into this morning, but it was not the drunkenness form the Lord i had received. It was the drunkenness from the enemy that had me filled with bitterness and anger from the previous night. See, after the Lord spoke truth over me, Satan spoke lies. He convinced me of anger and confusion, bitterness and sadness. THe enemy stole my joy and freedom in the Lord and replaced it with these things. I couldn't handle it and i knew how to. I was just upset. i was angry, bitter, sad, conflicted, frustrated. The fruits of the enemy you could call it. I knew it was being spoke over me and i tried to just be frustrated and be a little mad, but what i also knew and was thinking of is why alex? why are you letting the Enemy take you in this way? Are you going to seriously let Satan take the truth i just spoke over you and turn them into lies???

Why would you do that? You know you have authority over him. Claim it and mean it Alex. Claim it and don't just be mad about it....but i just ignored the Lord and woke up feeling like crap.

Morning.

I wake up ridiculously early today for the choir junk i had to take care of (which turned out to be awesome.) I felt more tired than i ever have in my entire life i think. I had to get up. It's a grade. so instead of hemming my dress for choir i just cut the bottom of it off... (lame sauce and so unlike me.) i still felt as heavy this morning as i had hoped to leak it off in my sleep. I am glad i did not have bad dreams last night...but my dreams are protected so...thanks Jesus... but i woke up this morning and could barley move. i slept through the ride to the church. we sang and went and sat on the pews to wait for the other choirs sing and i fell asleep immediately. i have never slept in church before and i don't remember a thing. I layed my face on my hand and was out. Why? i have no idea, the enemy was using my tiredness for me to miss out on the worship i could have.. but i slept on. It was the weirdest sleep i have ever had. not fulfilling,  i just needed it. like an addict needs his drug. and i had it. I finally got to take a nap, but then woke up with a headache... still unsatisfied. 

Recovery.

Finally i realize as i wake up im totally hungover. not from alcohol, or the Lord but from the enemy and said nope. You can't do this to me anymore. Sorry, go away. and It was gone. i am still very tired right now, but i have authority and i feel better. no more fruits of the enemy, but truth from the Lord. The has spoken truth over me and i will not be held back. I will not be held back from anything. I am starting to ask the Lord to change my heart. It scares me, but i think it is what i want.

Thanks for your goodness Jesus, and your truth that has been spoken over me. I love you. Amen.

aL

Oh goodness.

WEll, Jesus, i want to have more of you. I want to be in the place where i am not thinking of just one person. But my thoughts and dreams, wishes, and hopes, all my conversations will be about you. Jesus, i need more conversation with you. I need to find you. Lord tonight was an exceptional night. I was so blessed that I was able to spend time with friends who care about me. Friends who are interested in the things that i am.  The friends i trust to not freak out when we start smoking hookah (ha ha ha) what a funny thing. I learned so much tonight.

Tonight the Lord showed me relationships. He showed me that every person at the table tonight i actually cared about getting to know them more, and not just that one special friend sitting in your lap holding your hand, but it was like 3 people. gosh. Never in my life have i had a table of friends who i loved all so much. Maybe one person at a time, possibly two but never more than that. God has been blessing me with friendships.  A friend told me that my past friendships cannot be poison me anymore, or all my future friendships will be poisoned. So, i prayed and the Lord has been blessing me since then. Not just blessing, but blessing in abundance, holy crap.

Thanks JEsus. Please help me to seek you more and that be my desire and not the things that seem to be consuming my mind. Take those away and let me be filled with you. thank you jesus.

              amen.

uncle mike.

What a terrible person i am. Tonight i had the opportunity to hang out with someone in need and i a was hesitant. I was nervous. I was judgemental. I was wrong. It was like a homeless person throwing himself at me saying, hey i can take you home. My girl friend has a car. It is funny cause i think that the place i am in is so much higher than him. What is really funny is that i am the carless person and this woman who is "scum" actually is better than myself. Jesus. This is so crazy to me. I have am trying to have a heart for the homeless and the poor, the addicted and abused. It hasn't come really yet. Tonight was the perfect example. My uncle who is an alcoholic and what i can tell is a little off is the one who offered me a ride to take me home. i was so nervous and scared. HE was offering and i was nervous that he was going to do something crazy. He is good enough for my dad. They are friends, I am trying to love people like him and not be scared of them. What an opportunity. I was a bit nervous getting in the car tonight, then i ended up having a normal conversation with my uncle. Not an alcoholic. The Lord is teaching me in real ways. what a freaking crazy night.

Love you.

 Hey, just want you to know that i love you so much girl! I am praying for and i am happy i know you and have been able to be around you. I also am excited about story time with you. LOVES LOVES.

                                                                         aL