messy piles of today.

Well, things are in the midst of change. My life as i knew before is changing. Tonight i am staying the night at my parents in their house. I stayed here last Friday night with my sister and it was the strangest night i ave had in years, yet the Lord open up a part of me that has been closed for the last 3 years.

My family.
It terrifies me saying that i have shut off my family from my life in the last few years, but it is true. I always wanted my parents to love me the way i desired, yet told myself it would never happen. The enemy lead me to believe that there was no hope for my family. It's useless hoping for something like that, you know your family sucks. What do you expect?
Sunday night i spent a few hours praying with my friend Brett and Kate. They are my spiritual family, the closest to me anyway. I told them both about the dream i had at my mom's house and we then discussed it and prayed for a while. It was intense. Lot's of crying on my part. I tend to do that when things get serious with the Lord. Talking with Kate and Brett was really helpful. I was opened up to my feeling that i had pushed away and buried so far into the ground that i didn't even realize they were there. We searched and pulled thigns up i had forgotten about. IT was intense, that's all i can say.

So Tonight, im at Ma and Pa's again.
It was incredibly hard for me to willingly spend an evening at the place that honestly terrifies me. I never thought twice about being there until last weekend. As is 6 days ago. BUT, this week i spent some time preparing myself to spend time with my mom and be able to BE here and Be ok. It really sucked because my car died today. I moved form the Dorms to my Parents and i loaded up my car and then it didn't even start this afternoon. SHeesh. UGHHH!! Talk about annoying. So i came to the house frustrated and already in a bad mood when i got there.. So as you can guess, there was a few tears shed, but I made it through. I'm still here blogging.. how lame.


LAzy.


SO today was a fine day. Everythign was "OKAY"
I'm in this horrible place where i don't have the energy or motavation to read my Bible. I want to. I want to read and i want to Journal, but i just haven't been doing it. I don't even understand what is going on. I want to draw closer to the Lord and feel his intamacy. I dreamed about how it felt to be intimate with the Lord last night. It was incredible. I was with my sister and we could feel it together. IT was amazing. SO i know the Lord is drawing near to me, but not in journaling or reading. Those are things that i have been doing consistently since the 6th grade. Seriously. I read the entire Bible by 15 or so. It's a part of my life. I completed an entire journal my first month of being in college. I love looking at all the journals i have. They are beautiful. I write. I read. It's how i draw near to the Lord. But not right now.
IT's so weird. I am hearing from the Lord in such new ways it's like the old ways aren't even attractive to me. I Love reading the Bible, i want to feast in it, yet it just sits there. the Lord is teaching me to hear from him, to listen for him. To allow him into my dreams, into my relaionship with my Mom. He is teaching me, i am learning, yet it's not the normal everyday learning. So i guess that makes me abnormal. What doesthat even mean.. hah. Who cares, all i know is that Jesus is speaking to me in a new way than ever before. Just as He would speak to me through his word and discovering things by Journaling, now it is through learning about the prophetic. What is that even?
It's funny being friends with prophetic people cause they just shoot off on you sometimes and it's so true, but its hilarious that it's true. The Lord allows me to think things like that are filled with Joy. The Lord loves us laughing with him and telling him funny stories, walking with him, smelling his flowers, walking over His bridges, He loves us giving those moments to him just as much as He loves the heavy crying, the crippledness of having things ripped away by God. There is JOY from the Lord. It's ok to be excited. It is ok to TAKE the blessings that He is giving us. He doens't give us blessing for us to just look at them. YEs be thankful and be content with just LOOKING, but He wants to GIVE you a gift, you had better take it.

Right now i feel like PEOPLE are telling me that i am gifted with Prophecy, but it terrifies me. HM, that is not right, That is from Satan. GOD speaking to me, how is that terrifying? GOd is love, and joy, and peace, and kindness.. How can i be afriad of those things? Jesus, do not let me afraid of the thigns i can see in my dreams. Protect me from the enemy, do not allow me to see thigns from the enemy. I love YOU JESUS. YOu are before all things and you hold them together. HOld me together Jesus, let me trust that you know what you are doing. Let me trust you. Let me get into your word and read more about the Prophets, more about YOU. Who you really are, what you look like, what i can make myself look like, modeled after you. Jesus, ths prayer is so messy. It's freaking all over the place. Not on track, i never am.

Dayna Alexandra Ford = messy.


Jesus, i love you. Keep speaking to me, I do not want to be afraid going to sleep at night. I have confidence in you, kepp me safe, i know you will. I pray that, guard me, protect me, i have authority in my bones. You are here with me, IN me, Satan has NO power over me, over US. Thank you Jesus for being here with me. I love you Jesus. amen.