Two-00-and-eight

This year has been quite incredible. I think it is safe to say that this has been a year of blessing. Serious gifts from the Lord. About a year and 6 months ago the Lord tore my life apart.

Trinity Baptist Church
Two weeks after coming home from my first long-term-ish mission trip to Panama for 5 weeks, i started going to Trinity. I was so excited to come home and tell people all about my trip and encourage them to come with me the next summer. I became great friends with many many new people. I gained a new best friend and a boyfriend 5 months later. Life was great. I had influenced these new people to come with me to Peru the upcoming summer for yet anohter month. Things were looking so great until my boyfriend and i started to have a few problems. Two weeks before going to Peru, we decided we had to break up for the trip. We weren't allowed to be "together" on the trip, so we "broke up." The next week he went to falls creek for a week. I still came up and visited like we had planned. The week after that we went to Camp Life where things still remained "seperated" but i still hung out with him all week and went home with him at the end of the week. It was strange because he told me at camp that he loved me. Then he told me that he liked me so much it was causing him to sin, so we couldn't be together.

Peru.
We leave for Peru the day after camp, my two "best friends" and my boyfriend. The whole time i was in Peru i was lusting over my boyfriend. I missed him and al i wanted was to be with him, to be close to him. It was like the entire time i was there, i wanted him more than i ever had. It was there that he called me beautiful for the first time, and he even gave me a secret kiss. TOTALLY AGAINST THE RULES. It was great, but i had convinced myself that it was fine, nothing wrong with breaking the rules. I was pissed the entire summer that we couldn't be together. I had a really hard time dealing with leadership and caused more problems instead of helping with them. I cost myself losing any chance of ever being on leadership with the mission organization which is something i desire more than most things in my life. Peru was the hardest thing i had been through i had thought for so long until about 4 months ago. We get home from Peru finally and its obvious that my boyfriend and i get back together immediately. Less than a month later we break up, again. Same reasons as before, but it was a little more crucial this time and it was ended for good.

Crippled.
My boyfriend and i try to be friends for about two months, i got to the point where i decided i couldn't handle it any longer. All my so called friends before him were gone. My best friend that went with me to Peru told me he didn't like me for any reason particularlly, but just hated me for a time, without knowing why. I decided to leave the church the day that one of my old best friends died. Grant Moran, i miss you so much. I went to my old best friend's house for the last time in over a year for comfort and got nothing. I decided it was time for me to make myself better. I had nothing left in me for anything in Yukon, Oklahoma. I hated it. I hated everything. I quit going to church after my ex had invited me and his new girler over at the same time accidently.. i stopped going to Trinity. I quit the creative team. I quit the church band. I quit the folk band.I quit the soccer team i was on. I starved myself of everything i had known since going to Trinity. It tore me aoart, i could no longer take part in it. I kept feeling like my senior year was the worst year of my life, yet it was where i did the most growing i think. It was horrible. I even asked my date to the Prom. i just wanted to go cause i had so much fun the previous years before, it was a part of life.. The only good thing i can remeber about high school was the new passion for art i was developing. Art is the only class i can really remeber from my Senior year. The Lord has allowed me to forget the most pain i have ever felt, losing my best friends i had ever had, along with someone i thought i loved. I am very thankful that i can't really remember anything from my senior year, but i am thankful for this new year.

Falls Creek.
Ha. What a place. My first kiss was in the old tabernacle with someone who is currently one of my best friends, who is getting married tomorrow, Congratulations Christian Maloney.(side note, sorry.)
Well some old friends called me up and invited me to go to Falls Creek with them. These were my first youth group friends. My first group of older friends that would start the rest of my life being the baby of the group for years to come. I went to camp as a leader the first week of June. Probably the best thing i could have done. It was really wonderful. Going my last year as a student, but i could still be a leader. While i was there, it was really a time of healing from the Lord. He had been crippling me for a time, but at this point, the healing had started. The brokeness had started to wilt. While i was there, i went behind or cabin and listen to a song from DAvid Crower Band that gave what my soul had needed. I needed to cry out to the Lord that He would save me. And He did. From that point i was on a rather equal slide, rather than a downwards fall i had been trudging through. I sang to the Lord with all that i had and he listened. He told me i was beautiful and that He loved me.
About two months later i go to Falls Creek again with the same group of friends, but just to play around with the band for a week. IT was fun, but i was not expecting what did happen while i was there. I met an incredible young man. As he put it before, we met and were immediately attracted to eachother. His long curly hair really threw me off. We became great friends and helped me learn more about myself than i had in the past year. I am very thankful for our relationship as it came to its close. As he Also said before, it was good, and still is good, i miss him. After seperating i became a member of Norman Community Church, which he introduced to me.

Life.
After breaking up, i met the most incredible woman i have ever had the privlege to call my friend. Kate. She has helped me through many things in the short time that i have known her, 4 months. I also became friends with a mighty young man Brett. The Lord is speaking to him more than anyone i feel like i know. I can see Jesus in him and it is beautiful. I desire to get to know him more and learn more from him. He is a prophet, and it's cool. Ya, prophets are real. Since being at Norm. Comm. The Lord has revealed much to me. Revealed that he wants to speak to me through prophecy, through visions, and dreams. He wants me to trust him that these new people in my life are my best friends and i can trust them. They love me the way i have desired for so long to be loved. He is telling me that i am his beautiful bride. That HE is my FIRST LOVER. nothing more. Date me Alex, i think you're cute. He is telling me about how much he loves me and wants to romance me and make me feel beautiful. The Lord is treating me with gold and silver. A huge thing that Jesus is healing me from is my Family. I love them, and they also love me. It is a different feeling the way i feel for all of my family. I love my Dad more than i ever have in my while life. That's how He feels about me, i can love God as my Father and know the way that feels. I thank the Lord for who i met this summer to help lead me closer to You. You're great. i love you.

Norman.
Well now we come to today.
January 1, 2009.
Welcome in the new year with thanksgiving and praise. Thanks for letting me make it through another year Jesus.
I moved to Norman 10 days ago and I don't really have any expectation for what is to come in this new season He has already been blessing me with. I pray for more growth with the Lord and that i will receive more and more of His Holy Spirit. I want to make my time spent in Norman, OKlahoma a great part of my life. It is a beautiful place, full of trees and bridges.

I can't wait for another walk over the bridge.

dayna aLexandra ford.