To start off, i haven't had any coke or Dr.Pepper today, which i usually start my day out with one of those, so shift #1, that i hope will shift back to normal by tomorrow...
Really now.
Since April, I have felt the Lord calling me to be alone with him.
Alex, just sit with me. Stop spending all of your time with your friends, who I know you love, but just hang out with me. Let ME tell you you are great, let ME tell you you are cool. I know you LOVE spending time with your friends, and that you love them all so very much.. But please... come be alone with me.
So May comes around I am looking forward to going to Saturday Night in Edmond, ( Bible Study thing with awesome worship, every last saturday of the month) pretty much all month. So it finally becomes SAturday and I go. Nothing crazy or amazing seems to happen, but i continue to feel the Lord drawing me into intmacy with him. I want to be alone with you alex, He keeps whispering to me.
I had been hearing that for a while but i just have a hard time sacrifcing my social time. The thing is, i am a very busy girl. I work 30 hours a week, and go to hair school for 20 hours a week. I have 2 evenings off a week from school. Monday and Friday. Then i have cluster sunday, and hair school until 5 on saturdays. There isn't one day of the week that i don't have something planned that is a part of my weekly schedule... As you can see... the two evenings a week that i feel like are the free-est ones i have is the time that i want to hang out ith my friends, watch movies, go swimming, whatever..
But i have felt like the Lord has drawn me into a time of just being alone. It is hard, because this is the first time in my life where i have actualy had a group of friends who i feel really care about me, who desire to be close to me, and my feelings actually be the same.
Sacraficing the 2 days a week that I have for fun time isn't exactly what i WANT to do... but he wants me to. I have found in the last few times I would go and hang out with the big groups of people, i would enjoy it of course, but would just feel so drained in the middle of conversations.. I would just want to be home and be alone, away from loads of people. Partys are just too much for me to handle at this point. I used to THRIVE off of lots of people around, but now i just want to be alone, or with one or two people instead of 10 people or something. And it's not that i had lost interest in the people i choose to spend time with, it's just i don't want to spend time with a lot of people all at the same time.... ( sorry for the rambling.)
So the first weekend in June approached and i went to celebration. I had been feeling before every time I was around people i didn't want to be there half way through, but I also couldn't stop myself from wanting to go at all... SO i would go, kind of not want to be there, then leave... I still wanted to go even though i knew i wouldn't really want to be there. anyway.......
Celebration:
I go up and a couple friends pry for me. I finally feel the Lord releasing himself on me in spending alone time with him. I finally, after 2 months of feeling weird, i actually WANT to spend alone time with the Lord. Like an intense desire that is still growing. I am learning how to be alone with the Lord. Teach me how to be alone with you. alone. ALONE!
To Be Alone With You.
Starting in June, i moved into a new house with my best friend and 3 other roommates I have really enjoyed it. I love living here and it makes getting around norman much easier. It also has a since of freedom here. I feel like where i am living, i don't have to go out and try to find something to do, it just comes here. People come over and i can choose to be a part of the converstaion or i can go to my room and spend time with the Lord. I finally am able to paint and use my birthday presents (NEW ART SUPPLIES!!!!) and spend alone time with Jesus.
I used oil paint for the first time last week and it was great. I find spending time creating, painting,and working with several different mediums inspiring. The Lord is grwoing me more and more in love with colors. I love colors. They are such a gift.
Generally The Lord has brought me into a time of just He and I. I love it, it is great, and i only miss people on occasion..
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