Whispers

The enemy loves to speak lies into the minds of God's lovers.
This continual lie from the enemy no longer worries me. I was born on May 8, 1989 almost 20 years ago.

I have this fear of being young.

My closest friends are between two and three years older than me. Since I was fourteen I began making friends who were at least one to two years older than me. One of my closest friends was a 19 when I was a 16 in high school. Since I was in middle school the Lord has given me friends that have been older than me. It never worried me before when I was still in high school, but it's like since I started going to Norman Community Church, with mainly people who are between two and three years or more older than me, the enemy has been whispering lies to me.
Telling me that I'm inadequate, I'm not "good" enough. You're so young, how can you possibly know anything about how he or she is feeling. You're stupid. You don't know anything that can help anyone older than you. You just can't. Your'e just not good enough, or capable or enough.

Lies.
Lies.
Lies.
Lies.

I have known since August that the enemy has been whispering these things to me, that these things are lies. I prayed about these things some, but they still have lingered for months. This past month has been the worst of the 6 months I have been a part of this community. It's so annoying all the time. I have just always had a hard time being so you compared to most of my friends.

The Lord tells me:
I am adequate.
I am good enough.
I am wonderful.
I can help people.


Tonight we did Treasure Hunts as a cluster.
It was great.
So great.
I was asked about 2 weeks ago if i would lead a Treasure Hunt for our cluster. Treasure Hunts are when we ask the Lord for clues about the people who are on His heart. We write down our clues/ hints about different things and we then go out and find them, and tell people about how God feels about them. It's pretty cool, but can be terrifying at the same time. Ha.
Just two weeks ago I went on my first Treasure Hunt with Stephen Pyle at His Tribe down at the City Rescue Mission. It was nice. I was a little nervous, but it turned out just fine. Before doing that, I didn't think I had ever been on a Treasure Hunt before, and then I realized I had done it several times on previous mission trips, minus English, and the before prayer... which makes things a lot easier...

Tonight I got to lead three little ladies on a Treasure Hunt.

Brittany (something)
Becky Rice
Laurel Jaqua
And ME!

Little ladies is an understatement.
The Women I lead tonight were perfect.

So here it is:
You see the last two women on the list are the wives of some of the leaders at Norm. Comm.
The first one listed is the same age as me.

I was leading two women who are on a much higher status than myself who I find to be very respecable, wonderful women. So GREAT!
The other girl was the same age as me, showing the same boldness I am eager to find at this age among older women and men. Which is so hard sometimes, and scary.

It was nuts because the girl my age was like,
"No way, You're a freshman too?"
" Heck ya, welcome to the club."
" Oh my gosh, that's crazy. I had no idea."
Basically she was like, dude, no way. Weird.
And what was also nuts, was how funny it was that Laurel was really nervous about talking to people. It was funny. I asked her if she wanted to talk to the girl we were walking up to.
" NO way! I need your help!"
Lol. It was funny, I was like ok ok, don't worry. Then she said,
" You're so funny."
"Why?"
" You're just so bold. "
" HA haha , whatever, It's not a big deal. It's cool."
The wife of the super evangelical Mr. Aaron Jaqua has never been on a treasure hunt and is telling me I'm bold.
SHIT!

This is great!! How awesome. Maybe I am actually kind of adequate.
I also got to spend time with Becky and Brittany too. It was just really great to be around women who love the Lord and didn't care about how old I was. I am leading these women who are married to these wonderful men of God and they are trusting me, this young, freshman, 19 year old girl to do this. Woa.
The Lord really does have favor in me. He is trusting me, despite how old I am.

Alex, don't worry about how young you are. The enemy will no longer speak lies to you and tell you that you are inadequate. If you can lead the wives of the leaders in your cluster, you can also lead others. You can lead your friends. It doesn't matter that you are younger than them. Don't worry Alexandra, because it actually is ME leading them. I am just using you al. Those people are mine. Don't worry any longer alex. It's ok. You're the perfect age. You look just like I did when I was 19 years old. You are created in my image. Don't worry any longer. It's ok. I have given you a physical affirmation. You are good enough. I got you girl.

So,
Lord, I thank you for these things. Lord for answering my prayers and giving me the hope that i have so longed for. You are so precious. Thank you so much for the hope I have that comes from you. You are unending and ever flowing. Full of love that you desire to give out so much. Thank you Jesus for such a wonderful day. You bring peace to Norman and my heart. Psalm 122:6.
amen.

You are important to me you know.

There are many people in my life that I care deeply for. Lately, there have been a select few that are growing, teaching, caring and loving on me in a great measure. They deserve to be recognized.

Tyler Dunn.
Kate Thompson.
Alex Winters.

Laura Winterschiet.
Madison Kerner.
Brett Colclasure.
Zach Felts.

Dayna.
Scott.
Erin.
Hannah.

Thanks for all of your love and support. I love you all very much.


CHARLSEY.
I'm putting you on this list too, even though I have only been around you a few times. You ARE dear to me and I love you very much.
You get your own stanza.

Transition/ Reckless Love

Main Entry:

¹tran·si·tion

Pronunciation:

\tran(t)-ˈsi-shən, tran-ˈzi-, chiefly British tran(t)-ˈsi-zhən\

1 a: passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change b: a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another
2 a: a musical modulation b: a musical passage leading from one section of a piece to another
3: an abrupt change in energy state or level (as of an atomic nucleus or a molecule) usually accompanied by loss or gain of a single quantum of energy

An actual transition is supposed to flow and blend. It's supposed to help support and make things sound better as they are changing. A Transition makes the change flow easily.
I feel like def. 3 suits me currently.


My plans are ruined.
What i planned for this semester is NOT what is happening, at all.
It hurts.
I wanted it so badly.
Why?
How much longer do i have to wait.
I want to trust that you are providing for me the things i need to succeed.
The things i want to succeed at.
What are you doing?
What can i do?
How can i hear You?
What Pictures are you wanting to show me?
Give me the prophetic dance Jesus.
My heart is broken for you.
I know you want me to succeed.
What do you have for me?
And how can i find it quickly?
How can i find it even slow?


I love you. That's all i know. The Love that is stored in me is ALL i have right now. I want to love recklessly. I want to live recklessly.
I want to give my heart away to you without caution. That is how i feel often. I want a dog i can love with all of my heart, because i know I don't have to be cautious, it can't talk back to me. He can't hurt me, so i can do what i want with him.

What?



Alex, LOVE ME.
Love me.
Love me.
Love me.

You can love me recklessly Alexandra. My dearest daughter. My bride, my daughter, my princess. You can love me without caution and I even will talk back to you. You don't have to worry about being afraid of getting hurt, because I I I I LOVE you recklessly.
Girl, don't even worry about that. Love me with all that you have.
It will come out of you soon Alexandra.
I love you. Love me like I love you.

Love, Continued

Oh,


I can't get off this kick on Love.
The Love of the Lord is so strong.
He is engulfing me.
Emerging me into the depths of His love.
The way he speaks to me using words of endearment and charm.
He melts me with his words.

Song of Solomon 4: 9-10
" You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes...Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. "

The Love of the Lord is strong and passionate.
He is consumed of fiery love that He wants to distribute.
I want to be consumed in love with the Lord.
I want his love to be expressive and flowing from my mouth.

" flowing as milk and honey."

Love

Love.
Love.
Love.


Love.

i want to write a song about love. Being in love with the Lord. He tells me i am beautiful and i want to tell Him He is beautiful. The stars are screaming at me to look at them, He says gaze into my sky, I made those because they represent who I am. I am beautiful, the blue in the sky, the light of the stars, they are a picture of me. The bridges you walk across, the hills you play on, those look like me too. I painted a picture of myself that you love. You loved it so much, that you realized it when i told you that I was talking to when you were playing in the parks, when you rolled down the big hill, when you walked over my bridges. I love you Alex. I know how much you love flowers. Those are me too. I really love it when you smell flowers. That is what I smell like. I smell like fresh flowers and inscense, oil, any good thing you have ever smelled. I made that. I know how much you love my smell, that is how much I love you. I love you. I think you're great. I think you're beautiful. I know how much you like it when i tell you you are nice, but i know that you love it when I tell you how much I love you, when I tell you how beautiful you are. I know you love me, but I love you more than you can even imagine. I think you're even better than anyone has ever imagined feeling about you.

I know that you want motherly love, but I am that too. I love being your provider. I love taking care of you when you cry. For healing your body when you are sick. Holding you when you want to crash and fall. I love guiding you and giving you direction.

I want to be your pops too. I made a precious daughter that I want to protect. I want to interrogate every boy you bring home. I want the best for my little girl. I want to tell you you are my favorite daughter. I want to give you away at your wedding day to the man I prepared for you perfectly. I can't wait to tell you how beautiful you really are when you will be wearing the perfect white dress i chose just for you. You look ravishing.

I know you want your freinds to love you, Alex. I want to be your companion. I want to tell you that I think you're cool. I like your hair. Your outfit looks cute. I want to tell you secrets that no one else knows. I want to call you my bestie. I want to tell you you are the best friend I have ever had.I love everythig about you. We just click, you and I, we are like a hand and a glove. Alex, you're my bestie and I love you.

Alex, i know your desires. I put them in you. I know what you want and how much you want it, Becuase that is how much i want them for you. I know you want the love of a husband, but I am that too. I am the most handsome man you will ever come across. You think you have met someone great, you don't even know. I am preparing you someone perfect, and he loves me just as much as you love me. I love him just as much as I love you. I can't wait to reveal my plans for you. I am your plans right now. Today. I am your knight in shining armor. I am going to recue you from danger and sweep you off your feet. I want to carry you around like a child, effortless and passionate. I love you, you are so beautiful, that is what i will tell you when i lift you up so easily and gaze into your eyes. You are lovely, i make precious things, just for myself. I delight in you Alex, I made you perfectly for Me.

The love of the Lord is strong and passionate. There is all types of love and the Lord displays them all to me. Jesus is my lover, he is my passionate lover who romances me. He tells me stories when I gaze into the skies and look at the stars, when i walk across a bridge, and when i sit peacfully in a park. He loves me as my father and mother, as my friend and lover. Jesus, you are the ultimate lover. You gave yourself to me because of how much you love me. Your love surpasses all my understanding.. I cannot fathom how you feel about me. I know i have human emotions that are fiery and thrilling, but You. The creator of love and passion, let me gain the knowledge and understanding of how deep your love goes. Teach me your ways oh Lord, Let me be lovely for you. Let me feel the way i know you feel about me. i know You love me, let me believe it. Keep speaking to me about how you feel, for i love to hear from you. You are beautiful Jesus, thank you for your heart.

Dayna Alexandra Ford.

Two-00-and-eight

This year has been quite incredible. I think it is safe to say that this has been a year of blessing. Serious gifts from the Lord. About a year and 6 months ago the Lord tore my life apart.

Trinity Baptist Church
Two weeks after coming home from my first long-term-ish mission trip to Panama for 5 weeks, i started going to Trinity. I was so excited to come home and tell people all about my trip and encourage them to come with me the next summer. I became great friends with many many new people. I gained a new best friend and a boyfriend 5 months later. Life was great. I had influenced these new people to come with me to Peru the upcoming summer for yet anohter month. Things were looking so great until my boyfriend and i started to have a few problems. Two weeks before going to Peru, we decided we had to break up for the trip. We weren't allowed to be "together" on the trip, so we "broke up." The next week he went to falls creek for a week. I still came up and visited like we had planned. The week after that we went to Camp Life where things still remained "seperated" but i still hung out with him all week and went home with him at the end of the week. It was strange because he told me at camp that he loved me. Then he told me that he liked me so much it was causing him to sin, so we couldn't be together.

Peru.
We leave for Peru the day after camp, my two "best friends" and my boyfriend. The whole time i was in Peru i was lusting over my boyfriend. I missed him and al i wanted was to be with him, to be close to him. It was like the entire time i was there, i wanted him more than i ever had. It was there that he called me beautiful for the first time, and he even gave me a secret kiss. TOTALLY AGAINST THE RULES. It was great, but i had convinced myself that it was fine, nothing wrong with breaking the rules. I was pissed the entire summer that we couldn't be together. I had a really hard time dealing with leadership and caused more problems instead of helping with them. I cost myself losing any chance of ever being on leadership with the mission organization which is something i desire more than most things in my life. Peru was the hardest thing i had been through i had thought for so long until about 4 months ago. We get home from Peru finally and its obvious that my boyfriend and i get back together immediately. Less than a month later we break up, again. Same reasons as before, but it was a little more crucial this time and it was ended for good.

Crippled.
My boyfriend and i try to be friends for about two months, i got to the point where i decided i couldn't handle it any longer. All my so called friends before him were gone. My best friend that went with me to Peru told me he didn't like me for any reason particularlly, but just hated me for a time, without knowing why. I decided to leave the church the day that one of my old best friends died. Grant Moran, i miss you so much. I went to my old best friend's house for the last time in over a year for comfort and got nothing. I decided it was time for me to make myself better. I had nothing left in me for anything in Yukon, Oklahoma. I hated it. I hated everything. I quit going to church after my ex had invited me and his new girler over at the same time accidently.. i stopped going to Trinity. I quit the creative team. I quit the church band. I quit the folk band.I quit the soccer team i was on. I starved myself of everything i had known since going to Trinity. It tore me aoart, i could no longer take part in it. I kept feeling like my senior year was the worst year of my life, yet it was where i did the most growing i think. It was horrible. I even asked my date to the Prom. i just wanted to go cause i had so much fun the previous years before, it was a part of life.. The only good thing i can remeber about high school was the new passion for art i was developing. Art is the only class i can really remeber from my Senior year. The Lord has allowed me to forget the most pain i have ever felt, losing my best friends i had ever had, along with someone i thought i loved. I am very thankful that i can't really remember anything from my senior year, but i am thankful for this new year.

Falls Creek.
Ha. What a place. My first kiss was in the old tabernacle with someone who is currently one of my best friends, who is getting married tomorrow, Congratulations Christian Maloney.(side note, sorry.)
Well some old friends called me up and invited me to go to Falls Creek with them. These were my first youth group friends. My first group of older friends that would start the rest of my life being the baby of the group for years to come. I went to camp as a leader the first week of June. Probably the best thing i could have done. It was really wonderful. Going my last year as a student, but i could still be a leader. While i was there, it was really a time of healing from the Lord. He had been crippling me for a time, but at this point, the healing had started. The brokeness had started to wilt. While i was there, i went behind or cabin and listen to a song from DAvid Crower Band that gave what my soul had needed. I needed to cry out to the Lord that He would save me. And He did. From that point i was on a rather equal slide, rather than a downwards fall i had been trudging through. I sang to the Lord with all that i had and he listened. He told me i was beautiful and that He loved me.
About two months later i go to Falls Creek again with the same group of friends, but just to play around with the band for a week. IT was fun, but i was not expecting what did happen while i was there. I met an incredible young man. As he put it before, we met and were immediately attracted to eachother. His long curly hair really threw me off. We became great friends and helped me learn more about myself than i had in the past year. I am very thankful for our relationship as it came to its close. As he Also said before, it was good, and still is good, i miss him. After seperating i became a member of Norman Community Church, which he introduced to me.

Life.
After breaking up, i met the most incredible woman i have ever had the privlege to call my friend. Kate. She has helped me through many things in the short time that i have known her, 4 months. I also became friends with a mighty young man Brett. The Lord is speaking to him more than anyone i feel like i know. I can see Jesus in him and it is beautiful. I desire to get to know him more and learn more from him. He is a prophet, and it's cool. Ya, prophets are real. Since being at Norm. Comm. The Lord has revealed much to me. Revealed that he wants to speak to me through prophecy, through visions, and dreams. He wants me to trust him that these new people in my life are my best friends and i can trust them. They love me the way i have desired for so long to be loved. He is telling me that i am his beautiful bride. That HE is my FIRST LOVER. nothing more. Date me Alex, i think you're cute. He is telling me about how much he loves me and wants to romance me and make me feel beautiful. The Lord is treating me with gold and silver. A huge thing that Jesus is healing me from is my Family. I love them, and they also love me. It is a different feeling the way i feel for all of my family. I love my Dad more than i ever have in my while life. That's how He feels about me, i can love God as my Father and know the way that feels. I thank the Lord for who i met this summer to help lead me closer to You. You're great. i love you.

Norman.
Well now we come to today.
January 1, 2009.
Welcome in the new year with thanksgiving and praise. Thanks for letting me make it through another year Jesus.
I moved to Norman 10 days ago and I don't really have any expectation for what is to come in this new season He has already been blessing me with. I pray for more growth with the Lord and that i will receive more and more of His Holy Spirit. I want to make my time spent in Norman, OKlahoma a great part of my life. It is a beautiful place, full of trees and bridges.

I can't wait for another walk over the bridge.

dayna aLexandra ford.

messy piles of today.

Well, things are in the midst of change. My life as i knew before is changing. Tonight i am staying the night at my parents in their house. I stayed here last Friday night with my sister and it was the strangest night i ave had in years, yet the Lord open up a part of me that has been closed for the last 3 years.

My family.
It terrifies me saying that i have shut off my family from my life in the last few years, but it is true. I always wanted my parents to love me the way i desired, yet told myself it would never happen. The enemy lead me to believe that there was no hope for my family. It's useless hoping for something like that, you know your family sucks. What do you expect?
Sunday night i spent a few hours praying with my friend Brett and Kate. They are my spiritual family, the closest to me anyway. I told them both about the dream i had at my mom's house and we then discussed it and prayed for a while. It was intense. Lot's of crying on my part. I tend to do that when things get serious with the Lord. Talking with Kate and Brett was really helpful. I was opened up to my feeling that i had pushed away and buried so far into the ground that i didn't even realize they were there. We searched and pulled thigns up i had forgotten about. IT was intense, that's all i can say.

So Tonight, im at Ma and Pa's again.
It was incredibly hard for me to willingly spend an evening at the place that honestly terrifies me. I never thought twice about being there until last weekend. As is 6 days ago. BUT, this week i spent some time preparing myself to spend time with my mom and be able to BE here and Be ok. It really sucked because my car died today. I moved form the Dorms to my Parents and i loaded up my car and then it didn't even start this afternoon. SHeesh. UGHHH!! Talk about annoying. So i came to the house frustrated and already in a bad mood when i got there.. So as you can guess, there was a few tears shed, but I made it through. I'm still here blogging.. how lame.


LAzy.


SO today was a fine day. Everythign was "OKAY"
I'm in this horrible place where i don't have the energy or motavation to read my Bible. I want to. I want to read and i want to Journal, but i just haven't been doing it. I don't even understand what is going on. I want to draw closer to the Lord and feel his intamacy. I dreamed about how it felt to be intimate with the Lord last night. It was incredible. I was with my sister and we could feel it together. IT was amazing. SO i know the Lord is drawing near to me, but not in journaling or reading. Those are things that i have been doing consistently since the 6th grade. Seriously. I read the entire Bible by 15 or so. It's a part of my life. I completed an entire journal my first month of being in college. I love looking at all the journals i have. They are beautiful. I write. I read. It's how i draw near to the Lord. But not right now.
IT's so weird. I am hearing from the Lord in such new ways it's like the old ways aren't even attractive to me. I Love reading the Bible, i want to feast in it, yet it just sits there. the Lord is teaching me to hear from him, to listen for him. To allow him into my dreams, into my relaionship with my Mom. He is teaching me, i am learning, yet it's not the normal everyday learning. So i guess that makes me abnormal. What doesthat even mean.. hah. Who cares, all i know is that Jesus is speaking to me in a new way than ever before. Just as He would speak to me through his word and discovering things by Journaling, now it is through learning about the prophetic. What is that even?
It's funny being friends with prophetic people cause they just shoot off on you sometimes and it's so true, but its hilarious that it's true. The Lord allows me to think things like that are filled with Joy. The Lord loves us laughing with him and telling him funny stories, walking with him, smelling his flowers, walking over His bridges, He loves us giving those moments to him just as much as He loves the heavy crying, the crippledness of having things ripped away by God. There is JOY from the Lord. It's ok to be excited. It is ok to TAKE the blessings that He is giving us. He doens't give us blessing for us to just look at them. YEs be thankful and be content with just LOOKING, but He wants to GIVE you a gift, you had better take it.

Right now i feel like PEOPLE are telling me that i am gifted with Prophecy, but it terrifies me. HM, that is not right, That is from Satan. GOD speaking to me, how is that terrifying? GOd is love, and joy, and peace, and kindness.. How can i be afriad of those things? Jesus, do not let me afraid of the thigns i can see in my dreams. Protect me from the enemy, do not allow me to see thigns from the enemy. I love YOU JESUS. YOu are before all things and you hold them together. HOld me together Jesus, let me trust that you know what you are doing. Let me trust you. Let me get into your word and read more about the Prophets, more about YOU. Who you really are, what you look like, what i can make myself look like, modeled after you. Jesus, ths prayer is so messy. It's freaking all over the place. Not on track, i never am.

Dayna Alexandra Ford = messy.


Jesus, i love you. Keep speaking to me, I do not want to be afraid going to sleep at night. I have confidence in you, kepp me safe, i know you will. I pray that, guard me, protect me, i have authority in my bones. You are here with me, IN me, Satan has NO power over me, over US. Thank you Jesus for being here with me. I love you Jesus. amen.