SWells.

Hallelujah to my holy King. What a wonderful time i just had with Jesus. This place here in Bethany, Oklahoma is a sacred place. The Lord has promised life for me in this season and it has come today. 

How terrible i thought i felt this afternoon, i did not go to class and slept through this afternoon. After lunch i went back to my room and reminisced on my past and felt very sad and weak. A little later i brought myself to call a friend. No answer.

A little later that friend called back just as the sadness was becoming overwhelming. Then i was able to talk and share my heart with this person. Just as i was struggling so was my friend. We shared our stories and gave encouragement. Lifting up a brother or sister is a gift from the Lord. He has blessed us with conversation.  In closing, we prayed and went our separate ways.

I then proceeded to dinner, had some pizza (yuck) and conversation. After this i went to Tanner's apt., went to Pop's and then to Broadhurst to hang out with some other friends. The enemy keeps trying to tell me that i don't have friends here.  That i don't have anything to do or anyone to hang out with. Jesus please help me to look to you for the people you desire me to get to know more. The one's who are to be close to my heart. Reveal them to me, Let there be more than surface here in this place. I know there is more, YOU have promised me more. Let me find it Jesus. Let me find these people in you.

God thanks for being so cool and letting me find you tonight in the prayer chapel. What a sacred place you have brought me to. Thank you for the kisses you have bestowed upon me. Thank you Lord. The Prayer chapel and I will be having future dates and I know that you will be meeting with us there. Thanks for such an incredibly amazing night. Amen.

More seasons of life.

OH satan, you are trying so hard to distract me. I will not let you win. Be afraid of me because i have Jesus and he has promised me seasons of  life, and the season for that is this one. SO get away, i will not let you bring me down.

The craziness of my life is starting to set in. Hair school is going to take till next November at the rate I'm going in, I would like to know what I am supposed to do for next year, I don't have a car and this is causing problems with my parents. Jesus this is the life that you have chosen for me right now. THe thing is i am in love with this. The enemy will not let me not love this season. SO here it is Jesus. I give this to you, take it and have fun with me. aMen.

Seasons of Life.

Lord Jesus, today has been a weird day, i feel like it has been terrible, but i know that compared to other people it's nothing. Lord, you have spoken seasons of life over me. This season for me is here at SNU. Living on campus is great. You have given me a wonderful roommate. She is so nice, nothing to complain about. Lord, i feel like when i first got here to SNU i met all of these really great people. I met fun new friends and felt like i was really going to love it a lot here. It's not bad, I'm not saying it's terrible, but JEsus, i don't feel like i have met anyone who i really can get along with. Lord you have put me in this place. Today i was doing homework with a friend in the art building. It was nice having someone to talk to and listen to music with. Jesus i just want more than that though. GOd no one here wants to really talk about you. No one at this "christian" college is interested in going deeper. Maybe that isn't true. Its probably is not. I just have not met these people yet. God i ask that you would lead me to these people. Jesus, i want to grow closer with you. Today the enemy was whispering secrets to me. He was telling me that i am not going to find anyone to talk to about you. I am not going to find someone who i can talk with about you and about the things in my life that really matter. I was getting down and sad. Then i remembered the seasons of life you promised me a month or so ago. I remembered that you want good things for me. You are not hiding your life from me, you want me to follow you Lord. I felt a little better after that but was still a little frustrated. I need JEsus to take this away from me. This sadness that is overwhelming me. It musters up inside and tries to swallow me. MAke me sad, make me frail, make me weak, make me cry. I will not let down. i will keep fighting for you my JEsus, I need your arms to wrap around me and show me your life. Show me the fruit and goodness that you are bearing in my life. Jesus i feel like you have taken much of the goodness that was coming into this season. Lord why? What can i do to keep the fruit coming in. THe fruit needed to be pruned so i may bear more fruit. That is why alex. I needed a pruning. Lord help me now to just look for you. PLease help me to find you in the dark places. Jesus as I'm looking, let me find you, Hold my hand, guide me through, wrap your arms around me. Hold me in your hand like a child. Father as i was doubting tonight you showed me the life you promised me. FAther, Les. Tonight she needed me. She actually needed something from you that has been hiding inside of me. Lord, a girl who had been crying and needing you. Jesus the enemy has told her that she is too busy, Father i ask that you would provide for her, Help her to find peace tonight, Thank you for putting her on my floor and allowing me to pray with her and help her to find peace. It is from you and you alone that life is coming from, it is not from me. All i can do is think about how miserable i am right now, which im not. i jsut think i am kind of in this and that area. Lord, please take me as your own, give me peace and help me to love the campus at snu. Help me to look for those in need of you, GOd send me out, Let me be a leader and serve you the way you long to be served. I love you JEsus, THank you for tonight and all that you are. aMen.

sure.

" If you want it come and get it. "

 If only it were that easy.

YEAH!!!!!!

Halleluia! All the procedures are over with. Recovery is standing in my door! Today was probably one of my funniest days alive. After having a few doses of anesthesia my day swept away rather quickly. All i remember is them telling me to go to sleep and they would talk to me when i wake up... Nope. Don't remember anything until i was at home in my bed. This is definitely a strange feeling. Especially since i cant remember putting my clothes on. I have a few memories from the drive home. i remember feeling like," Wow are we already on our way home? Did we finish already?" Then a little longer on the drive, i asked my dad, "Did you get my clothes?" He said, "Yes Alex, you are wearing them." HAHAHa. That's funny. Eventually i got home and into my bed, where i received a lot of text messages that were extremely hard to reply to. I was so tired, all i could do was sleep. Eventually i woke up and ate some food. It has almost been 2 days since i had eaten...Starvation.  Then i tried to watch this movie with a friend, but fell asleep basically. ha. What i funny day. Good, so good. A friend also text me yesterday asking questions about today's procedures and it real was nice. Thanks to everyone who was in prayer for me today. I know that Lord blessed me today and im blessed by all of you. Goodnight to all. And to those who love Jesus, isn't greattt!! Amen

colon and her oscopy

Today started out with me knowing that at 2:00 this afternoon i would get to start drinking a gallon of water with 248 grams of laxatives. That is a lot of water if i say so myself. It has not been as terrible as i thought it would be, but i only threw up once, so far. In the morning about 7:30 i get to start drinking this other yummy substance. i sure cant wait. ughhghhghgh.

Anyway, i had some time with Jesus this morning and it was good. i needed some help from a friend to really make me understand my time with Jesus today. I had a time this morning asking questions and word vomitting on Jesus today. it was quite terrible. I know that the Lord has great plans for me, but i have so many questions. why can i not be content with what the Lord has given me for today? Jesus i need you. Please comfort me,

Today

Today was quite an interesting day for me. I thought that today was the start of the terribleness of getting a colonoscopy. Ughhh... But i then learned that really i skipped clas this morning and what will be tomorrow as well. i could go to class, but am choosing not to really. i went this evening to buy my fun medication that is going to have me pooping my brains out for about 24 hours. It was quite difficult paying money for things that i know are going to make me miserable. for real. its going to suck. i have to drink a gallon of water with this laxative hidden not so deep inside. then later i get to drink the magnesium business that apparently lemon flavored and terrible. i cant freaking wait. One hting i am a little worried about is being at home all day alone. sometimes i really enjoy spending time alone, but its always nice for someone to be close and laying in your bed with you when you are sick. i pray that i will be able to be ok tomorrow.

Today has been a little rough. i miss a certain person today. He was going to be a good friend to count on coming to spend time with me this week while im sick. now i know for sure he wont be anywhere near. oh well. im tired. night.