messy piles of today.

Well, things are in the midst of change. My life as i knew before is changing. Tonight i am staying the night at my parents in their house. I stayed here last Friday night with my sister and it was the strangest night i ave had in years, yet the Lord open up a part of me that has been closed for the last 3 years.

My family.
It terrifies me saying that i have shut off my family from my life in the last few years, but it is true. I always wanted my parents to love me the way i desired, yet told myself it would never happen. The enemy lead me to believe that there was no hope for my family. It's useless hoping for something like that, you know your family sucks. What do you expect?
Sunday night i spent a few hours praying with my friend Brett and Kate. They are my spiritual family, the closest to me anyway. I told them both about the dream i had at my mom's house and we then discussed it and prayed for a while. It was intense. Lot's of crying on my part. I tend to do that when things get serious with the Lord. Talking with Kate and Brett was really helpful. I was opened up to my feeling that i had pushed away and buried so far into the ground that i didn't even realize they were there. We searched and pulled thigns up i had forgotten about. IT was intense, that's all i can say.

So Tonight, im at Ma and Pa's again.
It was incredibly hard for me to willingly spend an evening at the place that honestly terrifies me. I never thought twice about being there until last weekend. As is 6 days ago. BUT, this week i spent some time preparing myself to spend time with my mom and be able to BE here and Be ok. It really sucked because my car died today. I moved form the Dorms to my Parents and i loaded up my car and then it didn't even start this afternoon. SHeesh. UGHHH!! Talk about annoying. So i came to the house frustrated and already in a bad mood when i got there.. So as you can guess, there was a few tears shed, but I made it through. I'm still here blogging.. how lame.


LAzy.


SO today was a fine day. Everythign was "OKAY"
I'm in this horrible place where i don't have the energy or motavation to read my Bible. I want to. I want to read and i want to Journal, but i just haven't been doing it. I don't even understand what is going on. I want to draw closer to the Lord and feel his intamacy. I dreamed about how it felt to be intimate with the Lord last night. It was incredible. I was with my sister and we could feel it together. IT was amazing. SO i know the Lord is drawing near to me, but not in journaling or reading. Those are things that i have been doing consistently since the 6th grade. Seriously. I read the entire Bible by 15 or so. It's a part of my life. I completed an entire journal my first month of being in college. I love looking at all the journals i have. They are beautiful. I write. I read. It's how i draw near to the Lord. But not right now.
IT's so weird. I am hearing from the Lord in such new ways it's like the old ways aren't even attractive to me. I Love reading the Bible, i want to feast in it, yet it just sits there. the Lord is teaching me to hear from him, to listen for him. To allow him into my dreams, into my relaionship with my Mom. He is teaching me, i am learning, yet it's not the normal everyday learning. So i guess that makes me abnormal. What doesthat even mean.. hah. Who cares, all i know is that Jesus is speaking to me in a new way than ever before. Just as He would speak to me through his word and discovering things by Journaling, now it is through learning about the prophetic. What is that even?
It's funny being friends with prophetic people cause they just shoot off on you sometimes and it's so true, but its hilarious that it's true. The Lord allows me to think things like that are filled with Joy. The Lord loves us laughing with him and telling him funny stories, walking with him, smelling his flowers, walking over His bridges, He loves us giving those moments to him just as much as He loves the heavy crying, the crippledness of having things ripped away by God. There is JOY from the Lord. It's ok to be excited. It is ok to TAKE the blessings that He is giving us. He doens't give us blessing for us to just look at them. YEs be thankful and be content with just LOOKING, but He wants to GIVE you a gift, you had better take it.

Right now i feel like PEOPLE are telling me that i am gifted with Prophecy, but it terrifies me. HM, that is not right, That is from Satan. GOD speaking to me, how is that terrifying? GOd is love, and joy, and peace, and kindness.. How can i be afriad of those things? Jesus, do not let me afraid of the thigns i can see in my dreams. Protect me from the enemy, do not allow me to see thigns from the enemy. I love YOU JESUS. YOu are before all things and you hold them together. HOld me together Jesus, let me trust that you know what you are doing. Let me trust you. Let me get into your word and read more about the Prophets, more about YOU. Who you really are, what you look like, what i can make myself look like, modeled after you. Jesus, ths prayer is so messy. It's freaking all over the place. Not on track, i never am.

Dayna Alexandra Ford = messy.


Jesus, i love you. Keep speaking to me, I do not want to be afraid going to sleep at night. I have confidence in you, kepp me safe, i know you will. I pray that, guard me, protect me, i have authority in my bones. You are here with me, IN me, Satan has NO power over me, over US. Thank you Jesus for being here with me. I love you Jesus. amen.

Desire.

I try to satisfy myself by reading and searching all i can. It never works, i always want more and more. This desire i have,  is found only when my desire for what is of this world, is turned into a desire for the Lord. I will never be satified by what the world offers me. Only what the Lord offers me.

Celebration.

Wow. This past Sunday night we had Celebration. It was a nothing kind of day, i wasnt expecting anything huge or gigantic to happen there other than see a few friends i don't normally get to see. D-group was rather nice. I spent some time in Winan's before hand reading through the frist 7 chapters of Luke. Thats a lot for one sitting. So we are then off to celebration.

Celebration is a time where all of the Clusters of Norman Community Church meet together to have a nice, big worship service where we celebrate what hte Lord is doing and have a time of teaching. This month, Ken spoke about receiving the Holt Spirit. That was interesting because iknow that many people were wanting a teaching from the Lord and it was delivered. At the end of his sermon, Ken asked, "well if anyone wants to receive more of the Holy Spirit in their lives, you can coem down for prayer and receive." Imediately almost the entire church was down at the front worshipping and praying for eachother. There was a woman whose body became weak nd crippled by the Lord. She could not stop crying for the Joy of the Lord. I heard words spoken over people and began to pray and asked the Lord if i should maybe pray for some other people. Eventually i begin praying for my friend Emily. I then led her to Kate, her sister. A bit later i decide to go and also pray over Kate and Emily. It was really neat because just as i was walking over there, there was a man speaking to KAte. Telling her many true things about her. THings about her ministry and heart for small groups, her heart for pastoring and intercession. IT was incredible. After that i had the opportunity to pray over her and her sister and i just really felt good about it. The things from the Lord that came through me abut hteir sisterhood and the thigns that i felt for Kate were jsut really encouraging. THe Lord really came and spoke wonderfully to us. IT was beautiful.

A little after we were done feasting with the Lord. Kate and i got to meet Zack. The random guy who showed up from His Tribe (branch off bridgeway in edmond) and spoke the beautiful prohetic words taht Kate was longing to hear. SO we meet and then just like a little bit later He starts speaking to me. He says, " Hey, this might be a little bit weird, but whatever, i'll tell you anway... WEll i feel like you are gifted in the prophetic and that the Lord wants to speak to you through your dreams, and visions and things. And i feel like you are gifted in encouraging othes and lifting people up. All of these thigns after hearing you pray. As i look at you now, your eyes even are lighter. You look as if you are glowing a little bit."  I can;t remeber exactly what he said, but it was incredible. I can;t believe it. It was so great gettign to her those words from him. It is kind of a blur now all that he said to me, but it was amazing. i have beem prayng that the Lord would be speaking to ME, i was praying about AFrica that i wuld know whether or not ot go and instead He has opened me up to listening for myself yes, but now for others. It is kinf of strange, but its awesome. And looking t my last post, (Brett the Prophet) you can see that thisis just more affermation of the Lord speaking through others to me about hearing from Him. I want to hear more fomr the Lord and i want to spend more time sekaing His face and begining to know what the things are that he wants me to be interested in. My prophetic numbers or pennies is seeing the shape of the continent of Africa. Thanks to Brett again, and of COURSE Jesus... ha. But hte Lord is doing so much in my life it is incredible. Thanks Jesus. YOu are pretty cool. Thank you for your words and the things that you have shown me now and al that you plan on showing me later. 

aL

brett the prophet.

What a great day.

I made Kate's journal today. The majority of it. 

I worked on my project that isn't due til wed. really... which is nice.

I am tired now.

I loved not going to Hair School or any of my classes today.

I had a time of rest and creatin with the Lord.

It was really fun.

I miss my friends in Norman.

I can't wait to move there with my sister.

Those are my basic thoughts for today. Last night was a really great time though. I got to spend a littel time with my friend Brett. He is such nice guy, i met him jsut this semester about August or so. Met him in Tulsa, Ok, then eneded up being friends with him in NOrman, OK. Imagine that. (:

WEll, we got to talk just for a few min. last night about how he feels that i am a prophetic person. Dude, that blows my mind. I love that fact that he said that because he is a very prophetic person from what i hear around town, and from what he has spoken over me. So being told i am prophetic from a prophet is really encouraging and cool. I am hoping to hear from the Lord and get more of Him for other people. I know Jesus speaks to me personally, but i don't know for other people. I mean i talk to people often about their problems, but hmm. I know there can be more, and i want to be able to offer that to people when i can. I ask for more of the Lord, that He might speak to me truth in my life, but also truth in other people's lives. THat the Lord through me might bring them peace that they cannot find.

aL

alex is shell fishes.

So, i am sitting in PLaid, sitting. That is about it right now. I don't want to do my lame BIB. LIT homework because it is lame. OBVIOUSLY. not really, it's not that bad, but i wish i could get into it. THese next few weeks of schoola re going ot be killer i can already tell. I went through this after fall break... not wanting to do anythign but i have a bang load of crap to do all the time. I jsut ignore it. All i really want is some alone time. Just some time to play and draw a bit.

ON the other hand, The Lord is great. He has been blessing me with immense security. HE is telling me, " Alex. I know your desires. You don't have to keep telling me about them. I know what's up with your heart and you you are feeling. Stop talking to me about it ok. Shut UP!"

 Ok, ok God. I am goign to try and do my best at shutting up. YOu see, i am such a talker. Ask anyone, i can talk my life away, to anyone at that. I prefer a good listening ear, but also a responsive tongue.

School is amost out for the semester and it is so teasing me. It's hilarious. About the middle of hte semester i decided that i would be moving to NOrman, OKlahoma for the first time ever. IT is so weird, because now is the time where i am feeling like i am finally moving out. I already moved out of my parents house, yet i still run into my mom randomly across campus. I can jsut drive 15 min. back to yukon and kick it with ma and pa whenever i want. It's funny because i was expecting so much "newness" when i moved out, yet many things stayed the same as all the things i didn't imagine, changed.

 NOw i am looking for a ridiculous season of change in my moving. My sister and i looked at a house today. IT was a rush. Holy crap. My first house ever... My first time of paying rent... buying my own groceries.. what the heck. This will be the time of "newness" i thought i was going to be getting in August. Not that it's December,  i suppose "newness" is making its way to me. It freaks me out. I am trying to like it. I know i will love it when i get used to it.. but it's like starting all over... again.. it's lame.. but i guess it is what the Lord has for me.

SNU, i will miss you, but Norman, i will love you, unlike Bethany, OKlahoma.

so.. goodness about "newness"

hum. KAte Thompson. NOrman Community Church. Boyd and Brooks. I will love rolling that off my tongue. the simple corner of the back porch will help me to be filled with the sweetness of the Lord. Living with my sister. Being close to friends. hoping for more with the new friends the Lord has given me. Trusting the Lord is Good. Trusting that the Lord knows my desires. even when they are so many blocks away. THe Lord knows. He knows. sitting with friends who love me when i need them.

The Lord has delivered me out of my desert of the last 19 years of my life. It is a time of fruit. I can forget my past shitty friendships and look for the new blossoms that are bloming around me. THey are coming in pink and orange, red and beautiful. They are a gift from the Lord and it's quite nice.

I apologize for the clutter of this letter. It is all ovr the place, but that is how i am at times. All overthe place. Messy. And that's how i like it. I don't need order right now. Just chaos for the Lord. He is what i thirst for and hunger for. More you You Jesus, it's what i want and need. I can't pretend to imagine taht i know what you are goign ot be doing in the next few months, all i can pray for is jsut more of you and less of me. i love you. AMen.

aL