Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
i want to write a song about love. Being in love with the Lord. He tells me i am beautiful and i want to tell Him He is beautiful. The stars are screaming at me to look at them, He says gaze into my sky, I made those because they represent who I am. I am beautiful, the blue in the sky, the light of the stars, they are a picture of me. The bridges you walk across, the hills you play on, those look like me too. I painted a picture of myself that you love. You loved it so much, that you realized it when i told you that I was talking to when you were playing in the parks, when you rolled down the big hill, when you walked over my bridges. I love you Alex. I know how much you love flowers. Those are me too. I really love it when you smell flowers. That is what I smell like. I smell like fresh flowers and inscense, oil, any good thing you have ever smelled. I made that. I know how much you love my smell, that is how much I love you. I love you. I think you're great. I think you're beautiful. I know how much you like it when i tell you you are nice, but i know that you love it when I tell you how much I love you, when I tell you how beautiful you are. I know you love me, but I love you more than you can even imagine. I think you're even better than anyone has ever imagined feeling about you.
I know that you want motherly love, but I am that too. I love being your provider. I love taking care of you when you cry. For healing your body when you are sick. Holding you when you want to crash and fall. I love guiding you and giving you direction.
I want to be your pops too. I made a precious daughter that I want to protect. I want to interrogate every boy you bring home. I want the best for my little girl. I want to tell you you are my favorite daughter. I want to give you away at your wedding day to the man I prepared for you perfectly. I can't wait to tell you how beautiful you really are when you will be wearing the perfect white dress i chose just for you. You look ravishing.
I know you want your freinds to love you, Alex. I want to be your companion. I want to tell you that I think you're cool. I like your hair. Your outfit looks cute. I want to tell you secrets that no one else knows. I want to call you my bestie. I want to tell you you are the best friend I have ever had.I love everythig about you. We just click, you and I, we are like a hand and a glove. Alex, you're my bestie and I love you.
Alex, i know your desires. I put them in you. I know what you want and how much you want it, Becuase that is how much i want them for you. I know you want the love of a husband, but I am that too. I am the most handsome man you will ever come across. You think you have met someone great, you don't even know. I am preparing you someone perfect, and he loves me just as much as you love me. I love him just as much as I love you. I can't wait to reveal my plans for you. I am your plans right now. Today. I am your knight in shining armor. I am going to recue you from danger and sweep you off your feet. I want to carry you around like a child, effortless and passionate. I love you, you are so beautiful, that is what i will tell you when i lift you up so easily and gaze into your eyes. You are lovely, i make precious things, just for myself. I delight in you Alex, I made you perfectly for Me.
The love of the Lord is strong and passionate. There is all types of love and the Lord displays them all to me. Jesus is my lover, he is my passionate lover who romances me. He tells me stories when I gaze into the skies and look at the stars, when i walk across a bridge, and when i sit peacfully in a park. He loves me as my father and mother, as my friend and lover. Jesus, you are the ultimate lover. You gave yourself to me because of how much you love me. Your love surpasses all my understanding.. I cannot fathom how you feel about me. I know i have human emotions that are fiery and thrilling, but You. The creator of love and passion, let me gain the knowledge and understanding of how deep your love goes. Teach me your ways oh Lord, Let me be lovely for you. Let me feel the way i know you feel about me. i know You love me, let me believe it. Keep speaking to me about how you feel, for i love to hear from you. You are beautiful Jesus, thank you for your heart.
Dayna Alexandra Ford.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Two-00-and-eight
This year has been quite incredible. I think it is safe to say that this has been a year of blessing. Serious gifts from the Lord. About a year and 6 months ago the Lord tore my life apart.
Trinity Baptist Church
Two weeks after coming home from my first long-term-ish mission trip to Panama for 5 weeks, i started going to Trinity. I was so excited to come home and tell people all about my trip and encourage them to come with me the next summer. I became great friends with many many new people. I gained a new best friend and a boyfriend 5 months later. Life was great. I had influenced these new people to come with me to Peru the upcoming summer for yet anohter month. Things were looking so great until my boyfriend and i started to have a few problems. Two weeks before going to Peru, we decided we had to break up for the trip. We weren't allowed to be "together" on the trip, so we "broke up." The next week he went to falls creek for a week. I still came up and visited like we had planned. The week after that we went to Camp Life where things still remained "seperated" but i still hung out with him all week and went home with him at the end of the week. It was strange because he told me at camp that he loved me. Then he told me that he liked me so much it was causing him to sin, so we couldn't be together.
Peru.
We leave for Peru the day after camp, my two "best friends" and my boyfriend. The whole time i was in Peru i was lusting over my boyfriend. I missed him and al i wanted was to be with him, to be close to him. It was like the entire time i was there, i wanted him more than i ever had. It was there that he called me beautiful for the first time, and he even gave me a secret kiss. TOTALLY AGAINST THE RULES. It was great, but i had convinced myself that it was fine, nothing wrong with breaking the rules. I was pissed the entire summer that we couldn't be together. I had a really hard time dealing with leadership and caused more problems instead of helping with them. I cost myself losing any chance of ever being on leadership with the mission organization which is something i desire more than most things in my life. Peru was the hardest thing i had been through i had thought for so long until about 4 months ago. We get home from Peru finally and its obvious that my boyfriend and i get back together immediately. Less than a month later we break up, again. Same reasons as before, but it was a little more crucial this time and it was ended for good.
Crippled.
My boyfriend and i try to be friends for about two months, i got to the point where i decided i couldn't handle it any longer. All my so called friends before him were gone. My best friend that went with me to Peru told me he didn't like me for any reason particularlly, but just hated me for a time, without knowing why. I decided to leave the church the day that one of my old best friends died. Grant Moran, i miss you so much. I went to my old best friend's house for the last time in over a year for comfort and got nothing. I decided it was time for me to make myself better. I had nothing left in me for anything in Yukon, Oklahoma. I hated it. I hated everything. I quit going to church after my ex had invited me and his new girler over at the same time accidently.. i stopped going to Trinity. I quit the creative team. I quit the church band. I quit the folk band.I quit the soccer team i was on. I starved myself of everything i had known since going to Trinity. It tore me aoart, i could no longer take part in it. I kept feeling like my senior year was the worst year of my life, yet it was where i did the most growing i think. It was horrible. I even asked my date to the Prom. i just wanted to go cause i had so much fun the previous years before, it was a part of life.. The only good thing i can remeber about high school was the new passion for art i was developing. Art is the only class i can really remeber from my Senior year. The Lord has allowed me to forget the most pain i have ever felt, losing my best friends i had ever had, along with someone i thought i loved. I am very thankful that i can't really remember anything from my senior year, but i am thankful for this new year.
Falls Creek.
Ha. What a place. My first kiss was in the old tabernacle with someone who is currently one of my best friends, who is getting married tomorrow, Congratulations Christian Maloney.(side note, sorry.)
Well some old friends called me up and invited me to go to Falls Creek with them. These were my first youth group friends. My first group of older friends that would start the rest of my life being the baby of the group for years to come. I went to camp as a leader the first week of June. Probably the best thing i could have done. It was really wonderful. Going my last year as a student, but i could still be a leader. While i was there, it was really a time of healing from the Lord. He had been crippling me for a time, but at this point, the healing had started. The brokeness had started to wilt. While i was there, i went behind or cabin and listen to a song from DAvid Crower Band that gave what my soul had needed. I needed to cry out to the Lord that He would save me. And He did. From that point i was on a rather equal slide, rather than a downwards fall i had been trudging through. I sang to the Lord with all that i had and he listened. He told me i was beautiful and that He loved me.
About two months later i go to Falls Creek again with the same group of friends, but just to play around with the band for a week. IT was fun, but i was not expecting what did happen while i was there. I met an incredible young man. As he put it before, we met and were immediately attracted to eachother. His long curly hair really threw me off. We became great friends and helped me learn more about myself than i had in the past year. I am very thankful for our relationship as it came to its close. As he Also said before, it was good, and still is good, i miss him. After seperating i became a member of Norman Community Church, which he introduced to me.
Life.
After breaking up, i met the most incredible woman i have ever had the privlege to call my friend. Kate. She has helped me through many things in the short time that i have known her, 4 months. I also became friends with a mighty young man Brett. The Lord is speaking to him more than anyone i feel like i know. I can see Jesus in him and it is beautiful. I desire to get to know him more and learn more from him. He is a prophet, and it's cool. Ya, prophets are real. Since being at Norm. Comm. The Lord has revealed much to me. Revealed that he wants to speak to me through prophecy, through visions, and dreams. He wants me to trust him that these new people in my life are my best friends and i can trust them. They love me the way i have desired for so long to be loved. He is telling me that i am his beautiful bride. That HE is my FIRST LOVER. nothing more. Date me Alex, i think you're cute. He is telling me about how much he loves me and wants to romance me and make me feel beautiful. The Lord is treating me with gold and silver. A huge thing that Jesus is healing me from is my Family. I love them, and they also love me. It is a different feeling the way i feel for all of my family. I love my Dad more than i ever have in my while life. That's how He feels about me, i can love God as my Father and know the way that feels. I thank the Lord for who i met this summer to help lead me closer to You. You're great. i love you.
Norman.
Well now we come to today.
January 1, 2009.
Welcome in the new year with thanksgiving and praise. Thanks for letting me make it through another year Jesus.
I moved to Norman 10 days ago and I don't really have any expectation for what is to come in this new season He has already been blessing me with. I pray for more growth with the Lord and that i will receive more and more of His Holy Spirit. I want to make my time spent in Norman, OKlahoma a great part of my life. It is a beautiful place, full of trees and bridges.
I can't wait for another walk over the bridge.
dayna aLexandra ford.
Trinity Baptist Church
Two weeks after coming home from my first long-term-ish mission trip to Panama for 5 weeks, i started going to Trinity. I was so excited to come home and tell people all about my trip and encourage them to come with me the next summer. I became great friends with many many new people. I gained a new best friend and a boyfriend 5 months later. Life was great. I had influenced these new people to come with me to Peru the upcoming summer for yet anohter month. Things were looking so great until my boyfriend and i started to have a few problems. Two weeks before going to Peru, we decided we had to break up for the trip. We weren't allowed to be "together" on the trip, so we "broke up." The next week he went to falls creek for a week. I still came up and visited like we had planned. The week after that we went to Camp Life where things still remained "seperated" but i still hung out with him all week and went home with him at the end of the week. It was strange because he told me at camp that he loved me. Then he told me that he liked me so much it was causing him to sin, so we couldn't be together.
Peru.
We leave for Peru the day after camp, my two "best friends" and my boyfriend. The whole time i was in Peru i was lusting over my boyfriend. I missed him and al i wanted was to be with him, to be close to him. It was like the entire time i was there, i wanted him more than i ever had. It was there that he called me beautiful for the first time, and he even gave me a secret kiss. TOTALLY AGAINST THE RULES. It was great, but i had convinced myself that it was fine, nothing wrong with breaking the rules. I was pissed the entire summer that we couldn't be together. I had a really hard time dealing with leadership and caused more problems instead of helping with them. I cost myself losing any chance of ever being on leadership with the mission organization which is something i desire more than most things in my life. Peru was the hardest thing i had been through i had thought for so long until about 4 months ago. We get home from Peru finally and its obvious that my boyfriend and i get back together immediately. Less than a month later we break up, again. Same reasons as before, but it was a little more crucial this time and it was ended for good.
Crippled.
My boyfriend and i try to be friends for about two months, i got to the point where i decided i couldn't handle it any longer. All my so called friends before him were gone. My best friend that went with me to Peru told me he didn't like me for any reason particularlly, but just hated me for a time, without knowing why. I decided to leave the church the day that one of my old best friends died. Grant Moran, i miss you so much. I went to my old best friend's house for the last time in over a year for comfort and got nothing. I decided it was time for me to make myself better. I had nothing left in me for anything in Yukon, Oklahoma. I hated it. I hated everything. I quit going to church after my ex had invited me and his new girler over at the same time accidently.. i stopped going to Trinity. I quit the creative team. I quit the church band. I quit the folk band.I quit the soccer team i was on. I starved myself of everything i had known since going to Trinity. It tore me aoart, i could no longer take part in it. I kept feeling like my senior year was the worst year of my life, yet it was where i did the most growing i think. It was horrible. I even asked my date to the Prom. i just wanted to go cause i had so much fun the previous years before, it was a part of life.. The only good thing i can remeber about high school was the new passion for art i was developing. Art is the only class i can really remeber from my Senior year. The Lord has allowed me to forget the most pain i have ever felt, losing my best friends i had ever had, along with someone i thought i loved. I am very thankful that i can't really remember anything from my senior year, but i am thankful for this new year.
Falls Creek.
Ha. What a place. My first kiss was in the old tabernacle with someone who is currently one of my best friends, who is getting married tomorrow, Congratulations Christian Maloney.(side note, sorry.)
Well some old friends called me up and invited me to go to Falls Creek with them. These were my first youth group friends. My first group of older friends that would start the rest of my life being the baby of the group for years to come. I went to camp as a leader the first week of June. Probably the best thing i could have done. It was really wonderful. Going my last year as a student, but i could still be a leader. While i was there, it was really a time of healing from the Lord. He had been crippling me for a time, but at this point, the healing had started. The brokeness had started to wilt. While i was there, i went behind or cabin and listen to a song from DAvid Crower Band that gave what my soul had needed. I needed to cry out to the Lord that He would save me. And He did. From that point i was on a rather equal slide, rather than a downwards fall i had been trudging through. I sang to the Lord with all that i had and he listened. He told me i was beautiful and that He loved me.
About two months later i go to Falls Creek again with the same group of friends, but just to play around with the band for a week. IT was fun, but i was not expecting what did happen while i was there. I met an incredible young man. As he put it before, we met and were immediately attracted to eachother. His long curly hair really threw me off. We became great friends and helped me learn more about myself than i had in the past year. I am very thankful for our relationship as it came to its close. As he Also said before, it was good, and still is good, i miss him. After seperating i became a member of Norman Community Church, which he introduced to me.
Life.
After breaking up, i met the most incredible woman i have ever had the privlege to call my friend. Kate. She has helped me through many things in the short time that i have known her, 4 months. I also became friends with a mighty young man Brett. The Lord is speaking to him more than anyone i feel like i know. I can see Jesus in him and it is beautiful. I desire to get to know him more and learn more from him. He is a prophet, and it's cool. Ya, prophets are real. Since being at Norm. Comm. The Lord has revealed much to me. Revealed that he wants to speak to me through prophecy, through visions, and dreams. He wants me to trust him that these new people in my life are my best friends and i can trust them. They love me the way i have desired for so long to be loved. He is telling me that i am his beautiful bride. That HE is my FIRST LOVER. nothing more. Date me Alex, i think you're cute. He is telling me about how much he loves me and wants to romance me and make me feel beautiful. The Lord is treating me with gold and silver. A huge thing that Jesus is healing me from is my Family. I love them, and they also love me. It is a different feeling the way i feel for all of my family. I love my Dad more than i ever have in my while life. That's how He feels about me, i can love God as my Father and know the way that feels. I thank the Lord for who i met this summer to help lead me closer to You. You're great. i love you.
Norman.
Well now we come to today.
January 1, 2009.
Welcome in the new year with thanksgiving and praise. Thanks for letting me make it through another year Jesus.
I moved to Norman 10 days ago and I don't really have any expectation for what is to come in this new season He has already been blessing me with. I pray for more growth with the Lord and that i will receive more and more of His Holy Spirit. I want to make my time spent in Norman, OKlahoma a great part of my life. It is a beautiful place, full of trees and bridges.
I can't wait for another walk over the bridge.
dayna aLexandra ford.
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