Whispers

The enemy loves to speak lies into the minds of God's lovers.
This continual lie from the enemy no longer worries me. I was born on May 8, 1989 almost 20 years ago.

I have this fear of being young.

My closest friends are between two and three years older than me. Since I was fourteen I began making friends who were at least one to two years older than me. One of my closest friends was a 19 when I was a 16 in high school. Since I was in middle school the Lord has given me friends that have been older than me. It never worried me before when I was still in high school, but it's like since I started going to Norman Community Church, with mainly people who are between two and three years or more older than me, the enemy has been whispering lies to me.
Telling me that I'm inadequate, I'm not "good" enough. You're so young, how can you possibly know anything about how he or she is feeling. You're stupid. You don't know anything that can help anyone older than you. You just can't. Your'e just not good enough, or capable or enough.

Lies.
Lies.
Lies.
Lies.

I have known since August that the enemy has been whispering these things to me, that these things are lies. I prayed about these things some, but they still have lingered for months. This past month has been the worst of the 6 months I have been a part of this community. It's so annoying all the time. I have just always had a hard time being so you compared to most of my friends.

The Lord tells me:
I am adequate.
I am good enough.
I am wonderful.
I can help people.


Tonight we did Treasure Hunts as a cluster.
It was great.
So great.
I was asked about 2 weeks ago if i would lead a Treasure Hunt for our cluster. Treasure Hunts are when we ask the Lord for clues about the people who are on His heart. We write down our clues/ hints about different things and we then go out and find them, and tell people about how God feels about them. It's pretty cool, but can be terrifying at the same time. Ha.
Just two weeks ago I went on my first Treasure Hunt with Stephen Pyle at His Tribe down at the City Rescue Mission. It was nice. I was a little nervous, but it turned out just fine. Before doing that, I didn't think I had ever been on a Treasure Hunt before, and then I realized I had done it several times on previous mission trips, minus English, and the before prayer... which makes things a lot easier...

Tonight I got to lead three little ladies on a Treasure Hunt.

Brittany (something)
Becky Rice
Laurel Jaqua
And ME!

Little ladies is an understatement.
The Women I lead tonight were perfect.

So here it is:
You see the last two women on the list are the wives of some of the leaders at Norm. Comm.
The first one listed is the same age as me.

I was leading two women who are on a much higher status than myself who I find to be very respecable, wonderful women. So GREAT!
The other girl was the same age as me, showing the same boldness I am eager to find at this age among older women and men. Which is so hard sometimes, and scary.

It was nuts because the girl my age was like,
"No way, You're a freshman too?"
" Heck ya, welcome to the club."
" Oh my gosh, that's crazy. I had no idea."
Basically she was like, dude, no way. Weird.
And what was also nuts, was how funny it was that Laurel was really nervous about talking to people. It was funny. I asked her if she wanted to talk to the girl we were walking up to.
" NO way! I need your help!"
Lol. It was funny, I was like ok ok, don't worry. Then she said,
" You're so funny."
"Why?"
" You're just so bold. "
" HA haha , whatever, It's not a big deal. It's cool."
The wife of the super evangelical Mr. Aaron Jaqua has never been on a treasure hunt and is telling me I'm bold.
SHIT!

This is great!! How awesome. Maybe I am actually kind of adequate.
I also got to spend time with Becky and Brittany too. It was just really great to be around women who love the Lord and didn't care about how old I was. I am leading these women who are married to these wonderful men of God and they are trusting me, this young, freshman, 19 year old girl to do this. Woa.
The Lord really does have favor in me. He is trusting me, despite how old I am.

Alex, don't worry about how young you are. The enemy will no longer speak lies to you and tell you that you are inadequate. If you can lead the wives of the leaders in your cluster, you can also lead others. You can lead your friends. It doesn't matter that you are younger than them. Don't worry Alexandra, because it actually is ME leading them. I am just using you al. Those people are mine. Don't worry any longer alex. It's ok. You're the perfect age. You look just like I did when I was 19 years old. You are created in my image. Don't worry any longer. It's ok. I have given you a physical affirmation. You are good enough. I got you girl.

So,
Lord, I thank you for these things. Lord for answering my prayers and giving me the hope that i have so longed for. You are so precious. Thank you so much for the hope I have that comes from you. You are unending and ever flowing. Full of love that you desire to give out so much. Thank you Jesus for such a wonderful day. You bring peace to Norman and my heart. Psalm 122:6.
amen.

You are important to me you know.

There are many people in my life that I care deeply for. Lately, there have been a select few that are growing, teaching, caring and loving on me in a great measure. They deserve to be recognized.

Tyler Dunn.
Kate Thompson.
Alex Winters.

Laura Winterschiet.
Madison Kerner.
Brett Colclasure.
Zach Felts.

Dayna.
Scott.
Erin.
Hannah.

Thanks for all of your love and support. I love you all very much.


CHARLSEY.
I'm putting you on this list too, even though I have only been around you a few times. You ARE dear to me and I love you very much.
You get your own stanza.

Transition/ Reckless Love

Main Entry:

¹tran·si·tion

Pronunciation:

\tran(t)-ˈsi-shən, tran-ˈzi-, chiefly British tran(t)-ˈsi-zhən\

1 a: passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change b: a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another
2 a: a musical modulation b: a musical passage leading from one section of a piece to another
3: an abrupt change in energy state or level (as of an atomic nucleus or a molecule) usually accompanied by loss or gain of a single quantum of energy

An actual transition is supposed to flow and blend. It's supposed to help support and make things sound better as they are changing. A Transition makes the change flow easily.
I feel like def. 3 suits me currently.


My plans are ruined.
What i planned for this semester is NOT what is happening, at all.
It hurts.
I wanted it so badly.
Why?
How much longer do i have to wait.
I want to trust that you are providing for me the things i need to succeed.
The things i want to succeed at.
What are you doing?
What can i do?
How can i hear You?
What Pictures are you wanting to show me?
Give me the prophetic dance Jesus.
My heart is broken for you.
I know you want me to succeed.
What do you have for me?
And how can i find it quickly?
How can i find it even slow?


I love you. That's all i know. The Love that is stored in me is ALL i have right now. I want to love recklessly. I want to live recklessly.
I want to give my heart away to you without caution. That is how i feel often. I want a dog i can love with all of my heart, because i know I don't have to be cautious, it can't talk back to me. He can't hurt me, so i can do what i want with him.

What?



Alex, LOVE ME.
Love me.
Love me.
Love me.

You can love me recklessly Alexandra. My dearest daughter. My bride, my daughter, my princess. You can love me without caution and I even will talk back to you. You don't have to worry about being afraid of getting hurt, because I I I I LOVE you recklessly.
Girl, don't even worry about that. Love me with all that you have.
It will come out of you soon Alexandra.
I love you. Love me like I love you.

Love, Continued

Oh,


I can't get off this kick on Love.
The Love of the Lord is so strong.
He is engulfing me.
Emerging me into the depths of His love.
The way he speaks to me using words of endearment and charm.
He melts me with his words.

Song of Solomon 4: 9-10
" You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes...Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. "

The Love of the Lord is strong and passionate.
He is consumed of fiery love that He wants to distribute.
I want to be consumed in love with the Lord.
I want his love to be expressive and flowing from my mouth.

" flowing as milk and honey."