gifts.

Isn't it so strange to think of all the people you know. Or the people you used to know, the people you used to know well.

LEt's go back to 3rd grade. 2002-03
TIffany Hughes and I were the bestest friends ever up until about the 5th or 6th grade. WE played dress up and had tea parties together daily. I loved playing with her better than anyone else. But after 5th grade she was going to South middle school, and i was going to North, so our friendship basically ended at that point.

Then about 6th grade, 2003-04 i was best friends with Allie Phillips. She was so funny i used to think. She was the girl who took me to Falls Creek for the first time the summer before 8th grade. Allie Stuck around for most of middle school but i was more interested in my new cheerleader friends.

7th and 8th grade 2004-05
I was a cheerleader, so I then became better friends with Kayla Markham, and then became friends with her friend Patty Baker. I was closer with Kayla, which was obvious to us, but as middle school girls, Patty didn't LOVE that Kayla and I were better friends than Kayla and Patty. This caused issues.. obviously. But i still loved to "hang out" (It's not "play" at this point, we were WAY to old for that,) with Kayla better than anyone else. She used to take me with her strange family to the lake. I rode my first tube with her on Lake Texoma. What a thrill. And she taught me how to dirty dance, which still cracks me up to this day. So Kayla was for sure awesome. Again, my best friend was going to be transferring to another school in another town the next year for high school, so then, back to Allie i went.
Several years ago, about 8th grade i was closest friends with Allie Phillips, Grant Moran, Christian Maloney ( who after maybe 3 or 4 days of knowing became my first kiss.. HA) Evan Kenedy, Shane Johnson, Megan and Caty Vaughn, and Malcom Myers. These were the first group of people I connected with to some extent on a spiritual level. They were my youth group firends form Canadia Valley Baptist Church. I LOVED them. They were fantastic. Especially Allie, Evan, and Grant. ( my deepest regards and memories go to Grant Moran who passed away October 31, 2008.) I was very close to these 3 inparticluar people for a while. The summer before my freshman year, i met Alexa Bailey. Allie, Alexa, and Alex. The 3 of us were good friends for a while, but once again it was obvious that Alexa and I were better friends than Allie and I.. which again caused WAY more drama than any of us wanted. The summer before my sophomore year of High school I left Canadian Valley BC and sadly, ended my friendship with Alexis Faline Sue Phillips (Allie) for the last time. Our friendship that had lasted since 5th grade in MAC choir had to end. I was filled with sadness at losing her friendship, but i had been hurt too often and too deeply by her friendship. A few weeks later I started going with Alexa to FBC Piedmont.

1st half of 10th grade. 2005-06
Became Great friends with Alexa, Matt Richardson, Jake Anson, Justin, Jared, and Jimmie Pucket, Jill and Julie Burden, Tara Case, Reza Koranki, Dan Minton, and several other people from the church. I loved it.

2nd half of 10th grade.
Broke up with my boyfriend Matt. Started what would become one of my best friendships with Tyler Dunn, Josh Debord, Tessa, Nicole, Justin Hixon, Justin Willis, and seth. I went with Seth to prom and it was great. For the first time in a long time it seems i finally had friends from Mustang. It was wonderful. The best year of High School maybe.

Summer before 11th grade.2006-07
Went to Panama with Awestar. Became friends with Skylar, Tyler, Katie, Brent, and Aubrie.
THese people were with me as i began to REAlly grow into a deeper relationship with JEsus.

11th grade
Started going to Trinity Baptist Church, down the street from where i lived.
SO great.
The First time i had ever had friends who were in the same grade as me. So, still friends with Alexa, and Tyler Kauk, Philip, Zach Selby, Heidi, Lauren, Kyle, Justin, Alex, Zach Felts, Lantz, Rikki, Tim, and others i can't remember. IT was so wonderful being a part of a group of friends again, but to really fit in well and to have a lot of people like me. Not just one or two. This group of people taught me that i LOVE music and reminded me of my creative side that, soccer for the last 10 years had blocked out. Eventually, I started dating Zach Selby and Alexa and i drifted from there. She had a BF and so did I.. After Zach and I started dating all friendships were basically lost. Especially with my closest two, Alexa and Tyler Kauk. I of course didn't realize at the time, but everyone goes through those kind of relationships it seems..

Summer before Senior year.
WE all go to Trinity's summer camp, Camp Life ( where i was to meet some of my future best friends.) IT was fun, but interesting seeing as the BF and i had sort of broken up, yet were still trying to make it work. Then 4 of us go to Peru, where the true colors of my "closest" friends show up during the 5 weeks we are in country. The trip was pretty traumatic for me. After a few weeks into senior year, Zach and i break up officially.

Senior year.2007-08
Some how, the Lord has erased much of this year form my memory. I can't remeber anything really except my Art class the first semester. You see, I was depressed. I had lost my boyfriend, and all my friends. There was no one left. Just me. And my canvas.
I painted my first canvas ever at this point and it's something very very special to me to this day.
I had become friends with Adam though. He was the lead singer in ZAch's band, so there was still some connection to that group of people that i was trying to get over.
Sometime around March, i started becoming friends with an old friend Josh Debord, someone from sophomore year. He helped me to get better and was my best and friend at the time. I really trusted him, but then it turned out he had romantic feelings for me and then, about June we stopped being friends.

Summer 2008
Old friends from Canadian Valley BC called me up to come with them to Falls Creek to hang out basically. I went, and the one person i met there helped to change my life. Blake. Who then introduced me to who are now my current friends and family. Kate, Evan, Alex, John, Brett, Johnna, Katie, Laura, Bri, Emily, Carter, Charlsey, Will, Logan, Wes, Wes, SEth, Madison, Amanda, Chris, Jason, Will, Daniel, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Nathan, Jill, Stephen, Robert, Marissa, Ryane, RAchel, Dalton, JAy, Jamie, Beth, Ken, Aaron, Laurel, Liz, John, John, Toni, Whitney, Emily, Matt, Asa, Phyneus, Samara, Eilo, Taylor, Marybeth, Ashley, and so so so so many more.

December15, 2009

It's so beautiful to me.
All the names. The names of all the people who love me. Who have cared about me. Who care about me now. Who my best friend Kate is without question. The first best friend I've ever had a spiritual connection with. She really is the best there is.


Looking back to almost ten years of friends.. It's interesting to see who is still around. How i still know all of those people, yet today, i choose to be with my friends in Norman. To be a part of Norman. Despite my driving 2 hours a days for the last 7 months to and from the City, and my mom thinking it foolish. In 14 days will mark my one year of living in this special city. Back in August marked my one year of friendship with Kate and the other norm.commers. but in two more weeks marks a year of living here!

What a gift.
Friends.
The best gift the Lord has given me other than salvation.
Merry Christmas aL.
Look who you get to spend the winter with.

....ma and pa.

I'm not sure how to write about something such as this, or if it's something to be mentioned on a blog at all.
My parents have been divorced for about a month now.
I think?
The weird thing is how " nonchalant" the whole thing is. Haven't had the sit down conversation with my father. It's as if he is embarrassed to talk about it, yet he's still doing it.

Mom on the other hand seems to be doing alright, but after 30 years of marriage, ending in the last 10 miserably, how can anyone be ok?




SHOCKING.
CUTTING.
PIERCING.
HURTING.
CRYING.
LOSING.



It could be that way.

BUT,

the Lord has promised me SO much goodness. The Lord has captivated my soul and spirit. HE has possessed me and my future family.


i WILL have a good future family.
i WILL be a good mother.
i WILL enjoy my children.
I WILL love my family WELL.


The enemy tries to tell me that i don't know what it means to have a good family. To know what a good mother and father really looks like.
He is wrong.

I have my family.
My spiritual family.
The Ones who really love me.
The Ones who really know me.
The Ones who are taking such good care of me.

With out my family I would believe the lies from the enemy, but seeing as the LORD had shown me a good family, how can I not have that for my future. He has promised me good things in family.


A Real family.
Full of love and joy.

Almost to November

IT's been since the end of July since I've posted. That's because when i write, it's usually because i feel like something major has happened. And in the words of Charlotte Charles, " It takes a lot for people to put pen to paper." And in this case, it's fingers to keys.

July-ish
I had the SF/09 with a certain boy from Norm comm.
Curious? ME too.

August
moved into a new place with 3 new roomies. It's been fantastic and continues to get better and better all the time.

September
Started dating/noncommittal relationship with an old-ish friend.

October
ended the "noncommittal-like" relationship.




Parents are getting a divorce?
Woa.
I'll begin to believe it more when it really starts happening...
but it's worth mentioning.

peace.pieces?

This week marks

One Year.

Approximately one year ago this week I met a group of people that have changed my life forever. I met a wonderful boy who brought me to this wonderful town I currently reside in. Just two weeks ago I got to thank him for introducing me to something called community, and a little town called Norman, Oklahoma.

This week marks a year of:
Friendship
Prophecy
Healing
Growth
Discernment
Family
Peace
Protection
Intercession
Beauty
Community
Dreams

It's been a year since hearing and learning about this and that, but it's been a wonderful wonderful process.

July-September '08:
Went to Falls Creek and met the person who took me to norman. Spent time with him and met his friends.

September-November '08:
Grew in deep friendship and became an active member of Norman Community Church.
Became healed of a parasitic something-or-another from Peru... which was a prophetic word give to me in Februaury '07.
Decided to NOT go to Uganda, Africa for 2 months in the upcoming summer.

December '08:
Had an itense dream that led me to peace, understanding, and love for my family.
Moved to Norman and left Bethany/SNU.

January- April'09:
Cintinued to grow in friendship with people from campus cluster.

MAY 8, 2009:
Turned 20 and had the best b-day i could ask for.

June '09:
Moved away from my sister and niece and in with Kate, Bri, Carter, and Emily.
God decided I would be friends with some awesome people and gave me a HUGE burden for them. He also gave me their emotions.. ( Refer to my last 2 posts.)

July '09:
Started going to a new house church, International Cluster.
Continued to grow in learning how to manage the hopelessness of others, and how to bring hope to the hopeless. Determined this was the reason I had stayed home this summer and didn't go to Uganda for the summer.

July 29, 2009:
Will continue to celebrate the community I have become apart of this week one year ago.

So thanks to all of you wonderful people I now care for deeply and love very much.

Thank you.

aL

and because of my last post, i now feel this way:

So here is what else has been going on inside.

Some time since April, the Lord has released some cool stuff to me. I started spending some time with this guy whose heart and mind, and pretty much everything is differnet than anyone else i know. Then he brings his friend along. Then there is another girl who i feel like is coming into the picture. Anyway... their hearts are far from the Lord. I can feel the way they are feeling. I am capable of knowing how much sorrow they feel, and why they are feeling it. I can feel the pain they are feeling, the desperation. I can feel these thigns not because i spend hours and hours of time with them in coversation, but because the Lord is filling me and allowing me feel these thigns. The negative feelings that the enemy has put on them for so long. I am begining to feel the way a lost person feels, but not on behalf of myself, but on behalf of them.

Some time last month, I had this dream.. This is what happened from what i can recall:

I'm wading through this flood of water that is up to me neck. I'm inside this massive building that has been destroyed, and is falling to pieces everywhere. I'm trying really hard to wade though this water but there are people under the water holding on to my ankles. They can breath, but there were holding on to my legs so I would have to pull them through. I am so frustrated by this. I'm kicking at them to let go and trying to shake them off of me but they are still holding on. I finally get to the door of the building and i can get out. We are totally out of the water. So then they all just stand up and walk away. they don't say anything like, "Hey, thanks for pulling me through, or good job, thanks" Nothing, they jsut get up and walk away like nohting had ever happened. I'm PISSED at this. I am like are you serious, i just pulled you through this water and i get nothing.. Thanks.. Really.

and that was the end.

So last night i kind of got more of an interpretation of this.

My friends who are in a different stage of life than me have been on my heart and mind constantly. I love them and desire to see the Lord work in their life. To see them rescued from drugs and alcohol, sex and everythign that comes with it. I pray and feel broken for them often, i feel like i am being dragged by my ankles wih nothing in return. I have had no energy to do anything other than what my scheduled life brings. I was feeling broken and held back for whatever reason. Then, last night Kate and i recalled this dream of me feeling like i was pulling someone else's weight.

Now i can find joy from pulling their weight. I don't expect anything in return from them, but pray for them to feel joy and love, peace, patience, hope.. everything that is the opposite of what they are feeling. When i feel sorrow out of no where, i know i am to pray for the one who feels sorrow, and pain, whatever it is. It's a realy weird thing being able to feel someone else's emotion, but it's pretty cool too. The Lord is teaching me in my alone time with him more and more.The Lord is trusting me with his children, giving me secrets into their hearts. The Lord is releasing a spirit of prophecy over me, i cannot be more grateful.

Thanks yo.

Here it is, finally.

Alright, Alright. It's taken me forver to get some time to actually put into words the shifting that has begun to occur.

To start off, i haven't had any coke or Dr.Pepper today, which i usually start my day out with one of those, so shift #1, that i hope will shift back to normal by tomorrow...

Really now.

Since April, I have felt the Lord calling me to be alone with him. 

Alex, just sit with me. Stop spending all of your time with your friends, who I know you love, but just hang out with me. Let ME tell you you are great, let ME tell you you are cool. I know you LOVE spending time with your friends, and that you love them all so very much.. But please... come be alone with me.

So May comes around I am looking forward to going to Saturday Night in Edmond, ( Bible Study thing with awesome worship, every last saturday of the month) pretty much all month. So it finally becomes SAturday and I go. Nothing crazy or amazing seems to happen, but i continue to feel the Lord drawing me into intmacy with him. I want to be alone with you alex, He keeps whispering to me.

I had been hearing that for a while but i just have a hard time sacrifcing my social time. The thing is, i am a very busy girl. I work 30 hours a week, and go to hair school for 20 hours a week. I have 2 evenings off a week from school. Monday and Friday. Then i have cluster sunday, and hair school until 5 on saturdays. There isn't one day of the week that i don't have something planned that is a part of my weekly schedule... As you can see... the two evenings a week that i feel like are the free-est ones i have is the time that i want to hang out ith my friends, watch movies, go swimming, whatever.. 

But i have felt like the Lord has drawn me into a time of just being alone. It is hard, because this is the first time in my life where i have actualy had a group of friends who i feel really care about me, who desire to be close to me, and my feelings actually be the same.

Sacraficing the 2 days a week that I have for fun time isn't exactly what i WANT to do... but he wants me to. I have found in the last few times I would go and hang out with the big groups of people, i would enjoy it of course, but would just feel so drained in the middle of conversations.. I would just want to be home and be alone, away from loads of people. Partys are just too much for me to handle at this point. I used to THRIVE off of lots of people around, but now i just want to be alone, or with one or two people instead of 10 people or something. And it's not that i had lost interest in the people i choose to spend time with, it's just i don't want to spend time with a lot of people all at the same time....  ( sorry for the rambling.)

So the first weekend in June approached and i went to celebration. I had been feeling before every time I was around people i didn't want to be there half way through, but I also couldn't stop myself from wanting to go at all... SO i would go, kind of not want to be there, then leave... I still wanted to go even though i knew i wouldn't really want to be there.  anyway.......

Celebration:

I go up and a couple friends pry for me. I finally feel the Lord releasing himself on me in spending alone time with him. I finally, after 2 months of feeling weird, i actually WANT to spend alone time with the Lord. Like an intense desire that is still growing. I am learning how to be alone with the Lord. Teach me how to be alone with you. alone. ALONE!

To Be Alone With You.

Starting in June, i moved into a new house with my best friend and 3 other roommates I have really enjoyed it. I love living here and it makes getting around norman much easier. It also has a since of freedom here. I feel like where i am living, i don't have to go out and try to find something to do, it just comes here. People come over and i can choose to be a part of the converstaion or i can go to my room and spend time with the Lord. I finally am able to paint and use my birthday presents (NEW ART SUPPLIES!!!!) and spend alone time with Jesus.

I used oil paint for the first time last week and it was great. I find spending time creating, painting,and working with several different mediums inspiring. The Lord is grwoing me more and more in love with colors. I love colors. They are such a gift.

Generally The Lord has brought me into a time of just He and I. I love it, it is great, and i only miss people on occasion..

Three weeks & 4 days ago,

I wrote about my upcoming future, which is currently my present.

The Lord has been drawing me into alone time with him. All the time. As in just me and Him. No one else. Alone. I'm quite the extrovert, so this is quite a challenge.

More to come later.

Here we go

Work: Cafe Plaid employee..

School: Anthony David Hair Academy

Other School: Oklahoma City Community College for the Fall Semester

Living Situation update: Kate Thompson, Emily Thompson, and Carter Faisen for Summer.

Fall Living update: Katie, Chuck, and Johnna.

My heart is wanting to be poured out into the things i am about to lose my life to. Much of my day is spent at plaid, but is now much of my time will be spent in OKC, at hair school. I currently have 587 hours of 1500 total to complete my schooling. Classes are from 4:30 to 8:30 P.M., every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday; and Saturdays 9 A.M. to 4 P.M.

Tomorrow i continue my education in Hair Design. I love doing hair a lot!  My hands desire and long to touch and fix the hair of people. Of strangers, of lovers, of friends, of those who seek His face. My heart desires to lead those who are weak and unsatisfied  into a place of comfort. I love to tell people they are beautiful, and the Lord has given me the ability to help people feel and look beautiful. I praise the Lord daily for putting in my spirit the desire to help people feel beautiful. As my hands touch those who are lost and hurting, the broken and the wounded, i pray for anointing hands, that as i wash their hair in the sink, it will be an anointing oil of Joy and gladness over them. As the old is washed away physically, the new comes. That the spirits that overwhelm them will have to go in Jesus' Name. And then,  Love and hope, joy, all things that are good from the Lord will captivate them and posses their hearts. They can't help but feel His spirit as i began to cut and color, dry and curl.

Lord posses the heart's of your lovers. Take them captive and draw them close to you as I spend time with them in a tiny, silly salon. 

Fill me with the spirit of love for that place. Love for the people who work there. Love for the old smelly cat lovers who come in for perms. You love them, and therefore i must as well. 

Come, holy spirit. Sweep me away like a sweep away hair on the floor.

A few months have passed

Man, I can't believe it has been almost a month since i have posted. It seems that a lot has happened in my life over the past couple months. The Lord has been teaching and growing me in so many different ways. I have gained so much.

I started a new job at Cafe Plaid. The famous hangout of Norm. Commers. by far. A place that the Lord has single handedly chosen to be special, to be full of light rather than darkness, and full of lovers, rather than those who are hurting and in pain. The employees are also full of the spirit and willing to love.

At some point i realized i was hurting, a little before Spring Break.

A certain person in my life pointed out to me that it was obvious. I went through 3 days of prayer and realized that this person was right and i had to do something. I had to do something to lift my spirit. I was struggling and didn't even realize it. I had numbed myself to feeling pain by those i loved the most. I sacrificed many things that i didn't even realize. After talking with the Lord and getting REALLY nervous, I had the opportunity to speak out what was hurting me to the person that was hurting me. I was TERRIFIED. The Lord came through for me. I knew that in having a suck conversation SO much good would come out of it. And it did. Since then, the hurting has stopped and the love of my friend and i has just grown and grown. I love my friend very much.

Another thing I'm thinking about: a tattoo...

woa.

My MOM will KILLLLL me.

but..

There is a little piece of me that is some what serious about getting one.

Isaiah 44 has been my favorite chapter of the Bible since 2006. I really like it. Since i discovered it a few years ago the first few verses stuck out to me very much. It speaks of things of belonging to the Lord. And the word "Jeshurun" is written. Which means chosen one. For some time now, I have been striving to give ALL of my heart to the Lord. ALL of me. ALL of me. I desire to be "rid of myself" and belong to the Lord fully. It's silly cause that's the theme of a friend of mine's life and it feels a little stolen, but It's good i guess. Anyway, the Lord has been speaking so sweetly to me. So beautifully and perfectly. I do belong to the Lord. I am his and he is mine. So, through all of this i want something to show for the way i feel about the Lord.

I also have a thing for trees, and I have said for years now that if I ever really did get a tattoo, it would be of a tree. SO, picture this:

The LORD'S 

written in the leaves of a tree.

The tree being full of colored leaves and blossoms, very beautiful and swirly..

On my left calf. Kind of big, but not huge. It's all still pretty up in the air, but in my mind as well.

What cha think???

ROOMIeS.

Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie Gordon

Charlsey Brock

and

Johna Avis

for the fall baby. It's official.

Last night :

Went to Ginny's last night. Was BEAUTIFUL. Tanderai spoke last night and really hit me. It's been a long time since i have really connected with something i have heard in a "sermon." Tanderai spoke of living in your spirit.

Praying in the spirit.

Walking in the spirit.

and Learning how to separate your spirit from your flesh. 

I love thinking of this. It is a separate thing. functioning in the Spirit is consistent. Functioning in the flesh is inconsistent. I waver and wander when I'm trying to make things work but when I am in the Spirit, I just know what feels right, and what is real. What is a REAL feeling.

The tricky part is learning where your spirit comes in and where you mind comes in. I want to learn how to operate in the spirit at all times. How to separate my mind from my spirit. I want to be able to pray in the spirit at all times and crave spiritual milk. It's happening for me, I just have to keep practicing. 

Let's see, about 2 or 3 months ago maybe?

This dude names Shane gave me some prophetic words that were SO great. I have an entire page of things that he said to me that were CRAZY on. Just to say one thing that was on was this. " colors are going to begin to speak to you. Art and colors will become more vivid and stand out to you in different ways.."  Which has been happening to me within the last 3 weeks more than ever in my life. It is beautiful. I am  living in such a new way lately. In my past i LOVED to journal. I have probably 30 journals all filled from cover to cover. I have always loved and enjoyed expressing my feelings to the Lord in writing to him, but now i cannot get enough time to make art. I desire to paint more than I ever have and i want to create and make things for the Lord. To the Lord in worship. I just like to chill with Jesus as i paint. I can think of him and speak to him. It's nice, and fun too...

So, that's a bit of a recap of things lately. I love you all very much who take time and read this. You take the time to get to know me a bit more. Love. I love you so much.

              Goodnight.

And you will be filled with Joy.

Woa.
So tonight was Celebration. Yes.
There are a few different activities that happen through Norman Community Church and I have to say that Celebration is my very favorite of all the gatherings we have. Tonight I got to worship the Lord with my voice as I have done millions of times. I love singing to Lord and spending time with him that way. It's is my favoritre way of spending time with Jesus. I get all silly and dance a little bit, It's kid of ridiculous, but me and the Lord like it. For the first time ever tonight, the Lord released laughter upon me. The Joy of the Lord. A precious gift.

I stopped singing for a second. I looked around the room at all the people who were worshipping the Lord and spending time in his presence. IT was so beautiful. The Lord was capturing the hearts of his beloved children. His lovers. His treasures. I looked away and began to sing more. Then my friend Kate pulled me aside and said, I just looked over at everyone singing and and worshipping, It's so amazing. Look at how beautiful Liz looks. I then just started cracking up. I couldn't keep my mouth from laughing and my heart from celebrating. She said look at the JOY of the LORD all over you. I was like oh my gosh, YES! IT was beautiful. I felt so ridiculous. I was singing and getting excited about what the Lord was doing, and how he was letting me feel. The Lord stole my heart for like the next 15 min. My heart was racing and my lips were singing. Funny words and off pitch, bad. I tried to cotinue singing but i had to stop. My wouth wasn't producing words, but laughter seconds later. The joy of the LORD had come. He let me see the way He sees Joy. How He feels Joy. Laughter. The product of Joy.

What a precious gift.

Joy.

COLORADO!

I'm going to meet you tomorrow for the first time ever.

I can't wait.


I pray that the mountains will sing and the flowers will be blooming for your glory.
HOw beautiful on the mountais are the feet of those who bring good news.


see you soon.

Whispers

The enemy loves to speak lies into the minds of God's lovers.
This continual lie from the enemy no longer worries me. I was born on May 8, 1989 almost 20 years ago.

I have this fear of being young.

My closest friends are between two and three years older than me. Since I was fourteen I began making friends who were at least one to two years older than me. One of my closest friends was a 19 when I was a 16 in high school. Since I was in middle school the Lord has given me friends that have been older than me. It never worried me before when I was still in high school, but it's like since I started going to Norman Community Church, with mainly people who are between two and three years or more older than me, the enemy has been whispering lies to me.
Telling me that I'm inadequate, I'm not "good" enough. You're so young, how can you possibly know anything about how he or she is feeling. You're stupid. You don't know anything that can help anyone older than you. You just can't. Your'e just not good enough, or capable or enough.

Lies.
Lies.
Lies.
Lies.

I have known since August that the enemy has been whispering these things to me, that these things are lies. I prayed about these things some, but they still have lingered for months. This past month has been the worst of the 6 months I have been a part of this community. It's so annoying all the time. I have just always had a hard time being so you compared to most of my friends.

The Lord tells me:
I am adequate.
I am good enough.
I am wonderful.
I can help people.


Tonight we did Treasure Hunts as a cluster.
It was great.
So great.
I was asked about 2 weeks ago if i would lead a Treasure Hunt for our cluster. Treasure Hunts are when we ask the Lord for clues about the people who are on His heart. We write down our clues/ hints about different things and we then go out and find them, and tell people about how God feels about them. It's pretty cool, but can be terrifying at the same time. Ha.
Just two weeks ago I went on my first Treasure Hunt with Stephen Pyle at His Tribe down at the City Rescue Mission. It was nice. I was a little nervous, but it turned out just fine. Before doing that, I didn't think I had ever been on a Treasure Hunt before, and then I realized I had done it several times on previous mission trips, minus English, and the before prayer... which makes things a lot easier...

Tonight I got to lead three little ladies on a Treasure Hunt.

Brittany (something)
Becky Rice
Laurel Jaqua
And ME!

Little ladies is an understatement.
The Women I lead tonight were perfect.

So here it is:
You see the last two women on the list are the wives of some of the leaders at Norm. Comm.
The first one listed is the same age as me.

I was leading two women who are on a much higher status than myself who I find to be very respecable, wonderful women. So GREAT!
The other girl was the same age as me, showing the same boldness I am eager to find at this age among older women and men. Which is so hard sometimes, and scary.

It was nuts because the girl my age was like,
"No way, You're a freshman too?"
" Heck ya, welcome to the club."
" Oh my gosh, that's crazy. I had no idea."
Basically she was like, dude, no way. Weird.
And what was also nuts, was how funny it was that Laurel was really nervous about talking to people. It was funny. I asked her if she wanted to talk to the girl we were walking up to.
" NO way! I need your help!"
Lol. It was funny, I was like ok ok, don't worry. Then she said,
" You're so funny."
"Why?"
" You're just so bold. "
" HA haha , whatever, It's not a big deal. It's cool."
The wife of the super evangelical Mr. Aaron Jaqua has never been on a treasure hunt and is telling me I'm bold.
SHIT!

This is great!! How awesome. Maybe I am actually kind of adequate.
I also got to spend time with Becky and Brittany too. It was just really great to be around women who love the Lord and didn't care about how old I was. I am leading these women who are married to these wonderful men of God and they are trusting me, this young, freshman, 19 year old girl to do this. Woa.
The Lord really does have favor in me. He is trusting me, despite how old I am.

Alex, don't worry about how young you are. The enemy will no longer speak lies to you and tell you that you are inadequate. If you can lead the wives of the leaders in your cluster, you can also lead others. You can lead your friends. It doesn't matter that you are younger than them. Don't worry Alexandra, because it actually is ME leading them. I am just using you al. Those people are mine. Don't worry any longer alex. It's ok. You're the perfect age. You look just like I did when I was 19 years old. You are created in my image. Don't worry any longer. It's ok. I have given you a physical affirmation. You are good enough. I got you girl.

So,
Lord, I thank you for these things. Lord for answering my prayers and giving me the hope that i have so longed for. You are so precious. Thank you so much for the hope I have that comes from you. You are unending and ever flowing. Full of love that you desire to give out so much. Thank you Jesus for such a wonderful day. You bring peace to Norman and my heart. Psalm 122:6.
amen.

You are important to me you know.

There are many people in my life that I care deeply for. Lately, there have been a select few that are growing, teaching, caring and loving on me in a great measure. They deserve to be recognized.

Tyler Dunn.
Kate Thompson.
Alex Winters.

Laura Winterschiet.
Madison Kerner.
Brett Colclasure.
Zach Felts.

Dayna.
Scott.
Erin.
Hannah.

Thanks for all of your love and support. I love you all very much.


CHARLSEY.
I'm putting you on this list too, even though I have only been around you a few times. You ARE dear to me and I love you very much.
You get your own stanza.

Transition/ Reckless Love

Main Entry:

¹tran·si·tion

Pronunciation:

\tran(t)-ˈsi-shən, tran-ˈzi-, chiefly British tran(t)-ˈsi-zhən\

1 a: passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change b: a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another
2 a: a musical modulation b: a musical passage leading from one section of a piece to another
3: an abrupt change in energy state or level (as of an atomic nucleus or a molecule) usually accompanied by loss or gain of a single quantum of energy

An actual transition is supposed to flow and blend. It's supposed to help support and make things sound better as they are changing. A Transition makes the change flow easily.
I feel like def. 3 suits me currently.


My plans are ruined.
What i planned for this semester is NOT what is happening, at all.
It hurts.
I wanted it so badly.
Why?
How much longer do i have to wait.
I want to trust that you are providing for me the things i need to succeed.
The things i want to succeed at.
What are you doing?
What can i do?
How can i hear You?
What Pictures are you wanting to show me?
Give me the prophetic dance Jesus.
My heart is broken for you.
I know you want me to succeed.
What do you have for me?
And how can i find it quickly?
How can i find it even slow?


I love you. That's all i know. The Love that is stored in me is ALL i have right now. I want to love recklessly. I want to live recklessly.
I want to give my heart away to you without caution. That is how i feel often. I want a dog i can love with all of my heart, because i know I don't have to be cautious, it can't talk back to me. He can't hurt me, so i can do what i want with him.

What?



Alex, LOVE ME.
Love me.
Love me.
Love me.

You can love me recklessly Alexandra. My dearest daughter. My bride, my daughter, my princess. You can love me without caution and I even will talk back to you. You don't have to worry about being afraid of getting hurt, because I I I I LOVE you recklessly.
Girl, don't even worry about that. Love me with all that you have.
It will come out of you soon Alexandra.
I love you. Love me like I love you.

Love, Continued

Oh,


I can't get off this kick on Love.
The Love of the Lord is so strong.
He is engulfing me.
Emerging me into the depths of His love.
The way he speaks to me using words of endearment and charm.
He melts me with his words.

Song of Solomon 4: 9-10
" You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes...Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. "

The Love of the Lord is strong and passionate.
He is consumed of fiery love that He wants to distribute.
I want to be consumed in love with the Lord.
I want his love to be expressive and flowing from my mouth.

" flowing as milk and honey."

Love

Love.
Love.
Love.


Love.

i want to write a song about love. Being in love with the Lord. He tells me i am beautiful and i want to tell Him He is beautiful. The stars are screaming at me to look at them, He says gaze into my sky, I made those because they represent who I am. I am beautiful, the blue in the sky, the light of the stars, they are a picture of me. The bridges you walk across, the hills you play on, those look like me too. I painted a picture of myself that you love. You loved it so much, that you realized it when i told you that I was talking to when you were playing in the parks, when you rolled down the big hill, when you walked over my bridges. I love you Alex. I know how much you love flowers. Those are me too. I really love it when you smell flowers. That is what I smell like. I smell like fresh flowers and inscense, oil, any good thing you have ever smelled. I made that. I know how much you love my smell, that is how much I love you. I love you. I think you're great. I think you're beautiful. I know how much you like it when i tell you you are nice, but i know that you love it when I tell you how much I love you, when I tell you how beautiful you are. I know you love me, but I love you more than you can even imagine. I think you're even better than anyone has ever imagined feeling about you.

I know that you want motherly love, but I am that too. I love being your provider. I love taking care of you when you cry. For healing your body when you are sick. Holding you when you want to crash and fall. I love guiding you and giving you direction.

I want to be your pops too. I made a precious daughter that I want to protect. I want to interrogate every boy you bring home. I want the best for my little girl. I want to tell you you are my favorite daughter. I want to give you away at your wedding day to the man I prepared for you perfectly. I can't wait to tell you how beautiful you really are when you will be wearing the perfect white dress i chose just for you. You look ravishing.

I know you want your freinds to love you, Alex. I want to be your companion. I want to tell you that I think you're cool. I like your hair. Your outfit looks cute. I want to tell you secrets that no one else knows. I want to call you my bestie. I want to tell you you are the best friend I have ever had.I love everythig about you. We just click, you and I, we are like a hand and a glove. Alex, you're my bestie and I love you.

Alex, i know your desires. I put them in you. I know what you want and how much you want it, Becuase that is how much i want them for you. I know you want the love of a husband, but I am that too. I am the most handsome man you will ever come across. You think you have met someone great, you don't even know. I am preparing you someone perfect, and he loves me just as much as you love me. I love him just as much as I love you. I can't wait to reveal my plans for you. I am your plans right now. Today. I am your knight in shining armor. I am going to recue you from danger and sweep you off your feet. I want to carry you around like a child, effortless and passionate. I love you, you are so beautiful, that is what i will tell you when i lift you up so easily and gaze into your eyes. You are lovely, i make precious things, just for myself. I delight in you Alex, I made you perfectly for Me.

The love of the Lord is strong and passionate. There is all types of love and the Lord displays them all to me. Jesus is my lover, he is my passionate lover who romances me. He tells me stories when I gaze into the skies and look at the stars, when i walk across a bridge, and when i sit peacfully in a park. He loves me as my father and mother, as my friend and lover. Jesus, you are the ultimate lover. You gave yourself to me because of how much you love me. Your love surpasses all my understanding.. I cannot fathom how you feel about me. I know i have human emotions that are fiery and thrilling, but You. The creator of love and passion, let me gain the knowledge and understanding of how deep your love goes. Teach me your ways oh Lord, Let me be lovely for you. Let me feel the way i know you feel about me. i know You love me, let me believe it. Keep speaking to me about how you feel, for i love to hear from you. You are beautiful Jesus, thank you for your heart.

Dayna Alexandra Ford.

Two-00-and-eight

This year has been quite incredible. I think it is safe to say that this has been a year of blessing. Serious gifts from the Lord. About a year and 6 months ago the Lord tore my life apart.

Trinity Baptist Church
Two weeks after coming home from my first long-term-ish mission trip to Panama for 5 weeks, i started going to Trinity. I was so excited to come home and tell people all about my trip and encourage them to come with me the next summer. I became great friends with many many new people. I gained a new best friend and a boyfriend 5 months later. Life was great. I had influenced these new people to come with me to Peru the upcoming summer for yet anohter month. Things were looking so great until my boyfriend and i started to have a few problems. Two weeks before going to Peru, we decided we had to break up for the trip. We weren't allowed to be "together" on the trip, so we "broke up." The next week he went to falls creek for a week. I still came up and visited like we had planned. The week after that we went to Camp Life where things still remained "seperated" but i still hung out with him all week and went home with him at the end of the week. It was strange because he told me at camp that he loved me. Then he told me that he liked me so much it was causing him to sin, so we couldn't be together.

Peru.
We leave for Peru the day after camp, my two "best friends" and my boyfriend. The whole time i was in Peru i was lusting over my boyfriend. I missed him and al i wanted was to be with him, to be close to him. It was like the entire time i was there, i wanted him more than i ever had. It was there that he called me beautiful for the first time, and he even gave me a secret kiss. TOTALLY AGAINST THE RULES. It was great, but i had convinced myself that it was fine, nothing wrong with breaking the rules. I was pissed the entire summer that we couldn't be together. I had a really hard time dealing with leadership and caused more problems instead of helping with them. I cost myself losing any chance of ever being on leadership with the mission organization which is something i desire more than most things in my life. Peru was the hardest thing i had been through i had thought for so long until about 4 months ago. We get home from Peru finally and its obvious that my boyfriend and i get back together immediately. Less than a month later we break up, again. Same reasons as before, but it was a little more crucial this time and it was ended for good.

Crippled.
My boyfriend and i try to be friends for about two months, i got to the point where i decided i couldn't handle it any longer. All my so called friends before him were gone. My best friend that went with me to Peru told me he didn't like me for any reason particularlly, but just hated me for a time, without knowing why. I decided to leave the church the day that one of my old best friends died. Grant Moran, i miss you so much. I went to my old best friend's house for the last time in over a year for comfort and got nothing. I decided it was time for me to make myself better. I had nothing left in me for anything in Yukon, Oklahoma. I hated it. I hated everything. I quit going to church after my ex had invited me and his new girler over at the same time accidently.. i stopped going to Trinity. I quit the creative team. I quit the church band. I quit the folk band.I quit the soccer team i was on. I starved myself of everything i had known since going to Trinity. It tore me aoart, i could no longer take part in it. I kept feeling like my senior year was the worst year of my life, yet it was where i did the most growing i think. It was horrible. I even asked my date to the Prom. i just wanted to go cause i had so much fun the previous years before, it was a part of life.. The only good thing i can remeber about high school was the new passion for art i was developing. Art is the only class i can really remeber from my Senior year. The Lord has allowed me to forget the most pain i have ever felt, losing my best friends i had ever had, along with someone i thought i loved. I am very thankful that i can't really remember anything from my senior year, but i am thankful for this new year.

Falls Creek.
Ha. What a place. My first kiss was in the old tabernacle with someone who is currently one of my best friends, who is getting married tomorrow, Congratulations Christian Maloney.(side note, sorry.)
Well some old friends called me up and invited me to go to Falls Creek with them. These were my first youth group friends. My first group of older friends that would start the rest of my life being the baby of the group for years to come. I went to camp as a leader the first week of June. Probably the best thing i could have done. It was really wonderful. Going my last year as a student, but i could still be a leader. While i was there, it was really a time of healing from the Lord. He had been crippling me for a time, but at this point, the healing had started. The brokeness had started to wilt. While i was there, i went behind or cabin and listen to a song from DAvid Crower Band that gave what my soul had needed. I needed to cry out to the Lord that He would save me. And He did. From that point i was on a rather equal slide, rather than a downwards fall i had been trudging through. I sang to the Lord with all that i had and he listened. He told me i was beautiful and that He loved me.
About two months later i go to Falls Creek again with the same group of friends, but just to play around with the band for a week. IT was fun, but i was not expecting what did happen while i was there. I met an incredible young man. As he put it before, we met and were immediately attracted to eachother. His long curly hair really threw me off. We became great friends and helped me learn more about myself than i had in the past year. I am very thankful for our relationship as it came to its close. As he Also said before, it was good, and still is good, i miss him. After seperating i became a member of Norman Community Church, which he introduced to me.

Life.
After breaking up, i met the most incredible woman i have ever had the privlege to call my friend. Kate. She has helped me through many things in the short time that i have known her, 4 months. I also became friends with a mighty young man Brett. The Lord is speaking to him more than anyone i feel like i know. I can see Jesus in him and it is beautiful. I desire to get to know him more and learn more from him. He is a prophet, and it's cool. Ya, prophets are real. Since being at Norm. Comm. The Lord has revealed much to me. Revealed that he wants to speak to me through prophecy, through visions, and dreams. He wants me to trust him that these new people in my life are my best friends and i can trust them. They love me the way i have desired for so long to be loved. He is telling me that i am his beautiful bride. That HE is my FIRST LOVER. nothing more. Date me Alex, i think you're cute. He is telling me about how much he loves me and wants to romance me and make me feel beautiful. The Lord is treating me with gold and silver. A huge thing that Jesus is healing me from is my Family. I love them, and they also love me. It is a different feeling the way i feel for all of my family. I love my Dad more than i ever have in my while life. That's how He feels about me, i can love God as my Father and know the way that feels. I thank the Lord for who i met this summer to help lead me closer to You. You're great. i love you.

Norman.
Well now we come to today.
January 1, 2009.
Welcome in the new year with thanksgiving and praise. Thanks for letting me make it through another year Jesus.
I moved to Norman 10 days ago and I don't really have any expectation for what is to come in this new season He has already been blessing me with. I pray for more growth with the Lord and that i will receive more and more of His Holy Spirit. I want to make my time spent in Norman, OKlahoma a great part of my life. It is a beautiful place, full of trees and bridges.

I can't wait for another walk over the bridge.

dayna aLexandra ford.